INSIDE AND OUT FREEDOM

AWAKING IN A PRISON CELL, THROUGH MY OWN SELF- CENTERED ACTIONS, VERY POOR CHOICES AND ILLEGAL BEHAVIORS, THE ONE THING I HAD A LOT OF WAS TIME, TIME TO REFLECT, REGRET, AND TRULY QUESTION WHO I WANTED TO BE. THIS WAS MORE TIME THAN I CAN EVEN BEGIN TO EVER MAKE ANY OF YOU UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE IT WAS CONSTANT, EVEN IN MY SLEEP. ONE OF THE VERY FIRST REALIZATIONS I CAME TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT IT WAS A PRISON WITH BARS AND NO WAY OUT, AND YET I HAD BEEN ENTRAPPED IN MY OWN PRISON FOR SO LONG PRIOR TO THE STATE PUTTING ME IN ONE OF THEIR INSTITUTIONS. I KEPT THINKING HOW? HOW DID I GET HERE? OH, I KNEW MY DISRESPECTFUL CHOICES WERE THE DRIVING FORCE, AND I WAS STILL STUMPED. I KNEW I WAS RIGHT WHERE I BELONGED, AND STILL I COULD NOT FIGURE OUT HOW.
I HAD NOT COME FROM POVERTY, OR A BROKEN HOME OR ANY KIND OF ABUSIVE TYPE OF FAMILY CIRCUMSTANCES, IN FACT, QUITE THE OPPOSITE. I HAD AN AMAZING CHILDHOOD AND FAMILY. MY MOTHER WAS A STRONG AND COURAGEOUS WOMAN WHO LED BY WONDERFUL EXAMPLE. MY ANCESTORS WERE STRONG AND SPIRITUAL PEOPLE WHO OVERCAME MANY ODDS, AND WERE, FROM ALL I'VE BEEN TAUGHT, GREAT AND INCREDIBLE PEOPLE. I WAS ALSO BORN INTO A REMARKABLE FAMILY OF 4 OLDER SIBLINGS, WHO ADORED ME AND SPOILED ME A LOT. THEY ALL ARE ALSO UPSTANDING PEOPLE IN THEIR COMMUNITIES, AND LED ME BY WONDERFUL EXAMPLE. SO I AM GOING TO WRITE THIS BLOG TO FREEDOM, WHAT IT MEANS TO ME, AND ALL THE AMAZING PEOPLE WHO HAVE BROUGHT ME TO THIS PLACE IN MY LIFE, OF BEING FREE ON THE INSIDE AS WELL AS OUT OF ANY INSTITUTION. FOR MYSELF, BEING FREE IS HAVING THE COURAGE TO BE HONEST, MOSTLY WITH ONESELF. IT IS HAVING THE FAITH AND THE COURAGE TO ALWAYS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL MY ACTIONS, THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY. IT IS ACCEPTING WHO I AM, LOOKING AT MY CHARACTER DEFECTS AND HONESTLY MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO CHANGE THEM. KNOWING THAT LIFE IS A JOURNEY, A PROCESS, ONE THAT WE LEARN FROM, BY OUR MISTAKES, HOPEFULLY GROW FROM , EVEN IF IT TAKES A TIME OR TWO. I ALSO THINK THAT TRUE FREEDOM COMES FROM KNOWING THAT MY WAY MAY NOT BE YOUR WAY AND THAT IT IS OK. BEING OPEN- MINDED AND WILLING ARE A HUGE PART OF ACCEPTANCE AND IN ORDER FOR ANY ONE TO FORGIVE US WE MUST FORGIVE. TODAY MY GRATITUDE IS SIMPLY FREEDOM, FAMILY, CHOICES, AND LOVING MYSELF ENOUGH TO TELL THIS STORY, SO THAT I CAN HOPEFULLY SHOW SOMEONE ELSE HOW TO HEAL.

I'M BACK! HOORAY!!!

IT'S A NEW MONTH , MY WRIST BRACE IS OFF, AND I AM GENUINELY FEELING SO MUCH BETTER, ALSO VERY GRATEFUL TO BE HEALTHY AND ABLE TO BLOG. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK ON THE COMPUTER AND I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE A STRUCTURED PLAN TO STAY FOCUSED AND DISCIPLINED ENOUGH TO MAINTAIN MY JOY, MY WRITING. SO, HELLO, WELCOME BACK TO ME. I HAVE TRULY MISSED YOU ALL, AND MY DAILY GRATITUDE LIST, AND POSTS, AS WELL AS ALL OF YOUR POSTS. I DO BELIEVE THAT NOW THAT THE BRACE IS OFF I CAN ONCE AGAIN GET BACK IN THE GROOVE. I THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS DURING MY ABSENCE. IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT WE ARE ALL A FAMILY OF SORTS. YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS HAVE DONE MORE FOR MY HEALING PROCESS AND MENTAL HEALTH THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE. I REALIZE HOW HEALTHY IT IS FOR ME TO HAVE YOU ALL OUT THERE AND FOR MY COMMITTED EFFORTS IN WRITING MY LITTLE BLOG. IN THESE TOUGH TIMES BOTH ECONOMICALLY, HEALTH-WISE, ETC., I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE COME TO COUNT ON YOU ALL AS MY LITTLE EXTENDED FAMILY. WE MUST REMEMBER EACH OTHER, AND, FOR MYSELF, I'D LIKE TO BE A PRODUCTIVE AND RESPONSIBLE MEMBER OF THIS FAMILY. SO I RETURN TO YOU TODAY WITH A MUCH STRONGER WRIST. THE BRUISES ARE HEALING NICELY AND I HAVE REGAINED MY SENSE OF OPEN OPTIMISM.

GRATITUDE LIST
#1.FRIENDS
#2.FAMILY (IN ALL THEIR FORMS)
#3.OPEN- MINDED, WILLING, ABLE
#4.HEALTH
#5.LOYAL, LOVING DOG
#6.CREATIVITY
#7.THANKSGIVING
#8.BEING A SURVIVOR (THANK YOU, MOM)
#9.MY HOME
#10.MY OUTLOOK, GOALS, KNOWING THIS IS ALL A JOURNEY AND A LEARNING PROCESS.

A LENGTHY GRATITUDE LIST

#1. BEING ALIVE, HEALTHY
#2. FAMILY/FRIENDS
#3.LIKING MYSELF AND MY CHOICES TODAY
#4.GIVING MYSELF A BREAK, AND JUST KEEP ON TRYING TO GET IT RIGHT
#5.THE BEAUTIFUL COLORS OF FALL IN ALL OF CHICO.
#6.GETTING GOOD OLE SNAIL MAIL. I LOVE THE POSTAL MAIL.
#7.BASEBALL...(BRINGS TO ME SO MANY WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF MY BROTHER, MY MOTHER AND MY DAD, ALL MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS WHO ADORED THE GAME)
#8.I WAS GRATEFUL TODAY FOR THE BEAUTIFUL WEATHER IN CHICO WE HAD. EVEN THOUGH IT IS FALL IT ALMOST FELT LIKE A SPRING DAY AT THE SAME TIME.
#9.I'M GRATEFUL TODAY THAT I KNOW THAT I HAVE A FATHER IN HEAVEN WHO LOVES ME, WANTS ME TO BE ALL I CAN BE; AND I KNOW THAT HE IS KEEPING HIS FINGERS CROSSED JUST FOR ME.
#10.PLEDGING TO STICK WITH MY POSTS, AT A MIN. OF 3 TIMES PER WEEK-- COULD BE MORE, BUT A MIN. OF 3. THIS COMMITMENT I MAKE TO MYSELF I AM MOST GRATEFUL FOR.

WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS!

GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS...
I HAVE SO MISSED YOU ALL AND THIS WONDERFUL BLOG EXPERIENCE OF OURS FOR WELL OVER THREE WEEKS NOW, AND IT IS TRULY A HORRIBLE AND LONELY FEELING. I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY LENGTHY ABSENCE. YOU MAY NOT HAVE MISSED ME, BUT I SURE MISSED ALL OF YOU. I WAS NOT GOING TO BORE YOU WITH THE DETAILS OF MY ABSENCE, AND YET NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN MUCH LONGER THAN FIRST ANTICIPATED I FEEL THAT AN EXPLANATION IS IN ORDER. I WILL START WITH MY WONDERFUL VISIT TO MY DOCTOR AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MONTH. IT WAS SUPERB, AS I HAD GAINED SEVEN POUNDS, A TASK THAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO DESPERATELY, AND AM STILL ON THE PATH OF. THIS LITTLE FACT I MUST ADMIT WAS INDEED A VICTORY FOR ME, AND IT WAS VERY SHORT- LIVED AT THE SAME TIME. MY DEAR DOC. BLESS HIS HEART, FELT THAT I SHOULD HAVE A YEARLY FLU SHOT, NOT THE H1 SWINE FLU SHOT, MIND YOU , JUST THE REGULAR FLU SHOT. SO I DID, AT AROUND TWELVE NOON ON THAT DAY. BY TEN THAT EVENING I WAS VERY ILL. WHILE THEY TELL ME THAT THERE IS NOT ANY CORRELATION BETWEEN THE VACCINE AND THE FLU, I CERTAINLY HAD ALL THE SAME SYMPTOMS OF THE FLU AS I CAN REMEMBER IT. THEREFORE, THAT WONDERFUL SEVEN POUNDS THAT I HAD SO HAPPILY GAINED, WAS MOST ASSUREDLY LOST, IF NOT A LITTLE BIT MORE, IN THE NEXT FOUR DAYS OF BEING SO SICK. WELL, THE GOOD OLD ADAGE OF WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS TRULY FELT RIGHT TO ME, BECAUSE JUST AS I WAS REGAINING MY STRENGTH I HAD AN ACCIDENT. THIS ACCIDENT IS ONE IN WHICH I FEEL VERY FOOLISH AND YET I STILL MUST ACKNOWLEDGE IT. I WAS ALONE AND CLEANING MY WALLS IN MY KITCHEN. I WAS ON AN EIGHT- FT. LADDER AND WENT TO STEP ONTO MY FRIDGE WHEN I SLIPPED. I DO BELIEVE THAT THE DOOR OF THE FREEZER OPENED AND DOWN I WENT. THE FALL LANDED ME ONTO A STEP BETWEEN MY KITCHEN AND LIVING ROOM. IT KNOCKED ME OUT FOR A SPLIT SECOND, AT LEAST I THINK IT DID. WHEN I CAME TO I JUMPED UP TO ASSURE MYSELF THAT I WAS ALRIGHT AND THEN I RAN OUT OF MY HOUSE TO THE NEIGHBORS. AT THE HOSPITAL IT WAS DETERMINED THAT I HAD INDEED FRACTURED MY WRIST, AND MY RIGHT WRIST AT THAT, CRACKED A RIB, OUCH!, HAD A KNOT ON MY HEAD AND SEVERAL BRUISES AND BUMPS. IT HAS BEEN WELL OVER A WEEK NOW AND WHILE MENTALLY I FEEL MUCH BETTER, PERHAPS A LITTLE STUPIDER, PHYSICALLY I AM SLOWLY MENDING. I AM NOW ABLE TO WRITE AND DO MY BLOG, THANK YOU, GOD, AND THE STARS, AND EVERYONE WHO WAS THINKING OF ME. I WILL POST A REGULAR BLOG BEGINNING TOMORROW, AND TODAY I WILL JUST SAY THAT I AM SO VERY GRATEFUL FOR:
#1. BEING ALIVE.
#2. LOVE OF FRIENDS: THANK YOU, STEPHEN T. AND MARK G.
#3. FREEDOM
#4.CHOICES: NO MORE LADDERS, ALONE
#5. FAMILY
#6. RAIN
#7. SURVIVOR, NOT THE T.V. SHOW
#8. ENDURANCE
#9. HEATERS (NOTE*FUTURE BLOG)
#10. GIFTS...CREATIVITY,WRITING,GARDENING,ABILITY TO FORGIVE, CRAFTING, COOKING, LOVE OF ANIMALS, LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF.

THE STOIC CAT, MY TWENTY- FIVE- YEAR OLD , FIRKADANALL- I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT HER PREVIOUSLY- WAS SO STOIC BECAUSE SHE IS TWENTY- FIVE, AND IS OF GREAT HEART HERSELF. SHE IS THE ONE CAT I KEPT TALKING TO ABOUT THE ONE -EYED CAT, TRYING TO GET HER TO CONVINCE HIM THAT I WAS O.K., THAT I COULD POSSIBLY HELP HIM , IF NOTHING ELSE. AS A MATTER OF FACT THE FIRST TIME HE ALLOWED ME TO PET HIM , SHE SAW THIS THROUTH THE SCREEN DOOR AND SHE ALSO SAW MY TEARS. IT WAS HER THAT I CONFIDED IN HOW VERY EXCITED I WAS . ONE CAT THAT I AM CURRENTLY FOSTERING IS NAMED MARSHMALLOW. HE IS A HUGE CAT OF TWENTY -FIVE POUNDS AT LEAST AND QUITE BEAUTIFUL, WITH PIERCING BLUE EYES, ALL- WHITE AND GREY -TIPPED EARS. HE ENJOYS SPENDING HIS EARLY MORNINGS OUTSIDE AND HIS LATE EVENINGS , JUST CHECKING THINGS OUT. HE IS VERY LOVABLE AND YET APPEARS TO LOOK VERY INTIMIDATING TO THOSE HE WANTS TO. WELL, I BELIEVE HE WAS ONE- EYE'S PROTECTER. HE SEEMED TO BE SO MOVED BY ONE- EYE'S COURAGEOUS HEART AND HE WOULD ALWAYS POSE UP IN PROTECTION OF HIM, WHEN I FED ONE- EYE. EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE BOTH MALE CATS, MARSHMALLOW WOULD NOT LET ANIMAL NOR PERSON NEAR ONE- EYE UNTIL HE WOULD FINISH HIS DINNER. IT WAS AS IF HE SIMPLY KNEW THAT ONE- EYE NEEDED A GENTLE GIANT AND HE FOUGHT FOR HIM AS THE UNDERDOG/CAT. MASHMALLOW SPENT A FEW DAYS LOOKING AND LOOKING FOR HIS LITTLE COURAGEOUS ONE EYE , EVEN LINGERING AT HIS WATERING DISH OUTSIDE, JUST HOPING AND WAITING FOR HIS RETURN. I THINK THAT FINALLY TONITE HE HAS BEGUN TO COME TO SOME TERMS WITH THIS, AS HE WANTS TO GO OUT, AND DO HIS NIGHTLY ROUTINE. HE KNOWS IN HIS HEART THAT HIS ONE- EYE MAY BE GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.*NOTE* MARSH WAS JUST SEEN POSTED UP BY THE WATER DISH. THE SECOND LITTLE TRAUMATIZED IS MY DEAR DOG BRANDILYNN. YOU SEE , HER AND ONE- EYE HAD A VERY UNIQUE AND SPECIAL CONNECTION. HE LIKED HER RIGHT FROM THE START AND WOULD FOLLOW ME WALKING HER. HE NEVER SEEMED TO HAVE ANY FEAR OF HER , WHICH I BELIEVE IS IN LARGE PART DUE TO HER HIGH INTELLIGENCE AND ALSO HE COULD SENSE THE FACT THAT SHE HERSELF HAD SOME VERY HORRIBLE ABUSIVE HOMES , PRIOR TO ME. SHE ALWAYS GAVE HIM HIS SPACE, NEVER RUNNING UP ON HIS EVEN IF SHE WASN'T ON A LEASH. HE NEVER MOVED AWAY OR FLINCHED , HE SOMEHOW KNEW THAT SHE WAS ALSO FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT. THE TRUST BETWEEN THEM WAS AN EARNED BOND. SHE KEEPS ON GOING TO THE SCREEN DOOR AS IF TO SAY "WHERE ARE YOU, ONE- EYE? PLEASE COME TODAY AND MAKE US ALL FEEL BETTER!" I THINK THAT OUR ONE- EYE IS LOOKING AT US WITH A HUGE CAT GRIN FROM A MUCH BETTER PLACE. WELL, LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST IS THE ONE WHO SEEMS TO BE THE MOST AFFECTED BY ONE- EYE'S PASSING, OR AT LEAST IT SEEMS SO TO ME. THIS WOULD BE MY "FUDGE , CAT MANDU , SEXY GUY , AND FINALLY CACTUS MAN CACTUS. HIS NAMES HAVE EMERGED AS HIS PERSONALITIES HAVE COME FORWARD. HE ALSO CAME TO ME AS A FERAL AND INJURED CAT, THOUGH NOT AS BAD. A STORY I WILL SHARE LATER. SO I THINK THAT FOR HIM THIS WAS VERY HARD AS HE FELT LIKE HIM AND ONE -EYE WERE BROTHERS, KINDRED SPIRITS OF SORTS, SOUL MATES IN A LOT OF WAYS. HE SPOTTED ONE- EYE'S COURAGE AND HEART THE FIRST TIME I LAY ON THE PAVEMENT TO TALK TO HIM. HE WOULD WATCH HIM FROM A WINDOW OR THE SCREEN DOOR WITH HIGH ADMIRATION AND I FEEL THAT THEY SHARED MANY SECRETS, LIKE , HEY, ONE -EYE ,STICK HERE IT'S O.K.; AND HOW YA DOIN' TODAY? THE FEW TIMES THAT THE MAN CACTUS DID VENTURE OUT HE NEVER DID MESS WITH THE ONE- EYE, HE JUST ALWAYS GLANCED HIS WAY AND WISHED HIM WELL. I THINK THAT THEY BOTH KNEW OF THE RARE BROTHERHOOD THEY SHARED. SO, NOW MY DEAR ONCE- FERAL MAN CACTUS WAITS AND HE WAITS AND HE WAITS. HE LOOKS TO THE SCREEN AND THEN AT ME AS IF TO ASK WHY AND WHERE ; SO I KEEP GENTLY TELLING HIM THE FACTS . MOMMY , TWENTY- FIVE- YEARS OLD, ALSO SEEMS TO FEEL HIS PAIN AND GOES TO HIM AND LICKS HIS FACE. I PICK HIM UP AND TELL HIM THAT OUR DEAR ONE- EYE IS GONE . WE LOVED HIM. HE TAUGHT US MUCH ABOUT COURAGE AND HEART AND THAT WE ALL PASS ON.

ANIMALS MOURN ONE-EYE

FROM THE PAST COUPLE OF MY BLOGS YOU WILL NOTICE THE PASSING OF OUR ONE-EYED FERAL CAT, ONE -EYE. I DONT MEAN TO DRONE ON AND ON, BUT I THINK THAT THE KIDS HAVE ALSO SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY AND SO THIS IS IT, THE FINAL FAREWELL.I REALLY THOUGHT THAT HE WAS GOING TO MAKE IT AS I BELIEVE MY LITTLE FAMILY OF PETS DID ALSO, AND AFTER 8 MONTHS OF RALLYING AND GAINING STRENGTH, HE STILL DID SUCUMB TO THOSE INJURIES AFTER ALL. IT HAS BEEN 5 DAYS NOW AND I HAVE WITNESSED SOME VERY SAD CATS AND A LITTLE FORLORN DOG. TODAY IT SEEMS THOUGH THAT THINGS ARE SOMEHOW GETTING BACK TO NORMAL AND A LITTLE CHEERIER AROUND HERE. I EXPLAINED IN GREAT DETAIL TO THEM ALL HOW I FELT THAT OUR LITTLE ONE- EYE HAD MOVED ON, THAT HE WAS IN A BETTER PLACE AWAY FROM ALL THE TERRIBLE PAIN THAT HE HAD TO ENDURE ON THIS PLANET, AND THAT WE WERE ALL JUST A LITTLE BETTER FOR HAVING HIM TOUCH OUR LIVES.

I REALIZE THAT TO SOME OF YOU THIS WILL SIMPLY SOUND CRAZY OR AT THE LEAST ECCENTRIC. HOWEVER, WE FEEL THAT MAYBE BY SHARING WITH YOU ALL SOME OF OUR EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH, AND HOPE, THAT IT JUST MIGHT GIVE TO YOU ALSO SOME HOPE AND STRENGTH. I DID NOT KNOW THAT ANIMALS WOULD TRULY GRIEVE WITH THE WHOLE PROCESS THING BUT THIS WEEK I WAS PROVEN QUITE WRONG.

A TRIBUTE TO ONE-EYE

IT HAPPENED AT DUSK WHEN IN A HOME OF HIS OWN THE LITTLE BLACK FERAL CAT WAS MINDING HIS OWN... TWO SCAVENGER RACCOONS CAME TO CALL WITH A PLAN OF THEIR OWN, AND MADE CONTACT WITH THE LITTLE WARRIOR, WHO WAS LATER TO BE CALLED ONE- EYE. AFTER STANDING HIS GROUND AND FIGHTING THE VERY VALIANT FIGHT HE LIMPED AWAY, STILL ALIVE WITH ONLY HALF A FACE, THUS ONE- EYE, AND HALF A TORSO. ALTHOUGH BROKEN THIS LITTLE GUY WAS CERTAINLY NOT BEATEN. HE WORE HIS BATTLE SCARS PROUDLY AND JUSTLY, FOR HE HAD WON THEM AS A PROUD AND FEARLESS WARRIOR WOULD HAVE DONE. WE LEARNED MANY LESSONS FROM THE DEAR CHERISHED ONE -EYE. HE REMINDED US HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER, THAT THE UNDERDOG/UNDERCAT SHOULD NEVER BE COUNTED OUT BECAUSE WITH TIME, LOVE AND KINDNESS MIRACLES DO IN FACT HAPPEN. HE REMINDED US OF JUST HOW RESILIENT A CREATURE'S SOUL AND SPIRIT COULD BE IN THE FIGHT FOR LIFE. HE THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT TO ALLOW MY LITTLE RESCUED DOG, BRANDILYNN, TO BE CLOSE TO HIM, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO HELP RESTORE HER FAITH IN HERSELF AND REGAIN SOME OF HER LOST CONFIDENCE. I NOW KNOW HOW MUCH HE APPRECIATED THE LOVE AND COMPASSION WE SHOWED HIM BECAUSE IN HIS LAST MOST WEAKEST STATE HE CAME BACK TO US TO WISH US A FINAL FAREWELL. SO, TONIGHT AS ALL THESE KIDS OF MINE LOOK TO THE DOOR AND WONDER WHERE THERE LITTLE MIRACLE CAT IS, I CAN HONESTLY TELL THEM THAT HE IS A HAPPY CAT NOW OUT OF PAIN WITH TWO BEAUTIFUL GREEN EYES.

MY DAILY GRATITUDE LIST
#1. ANOTHER DAY, CLEAN AND SOBER
#2. THE JOY OF PETS
#3. WONDERFUL FRIENDS
#4. BEING RICHER THAN I COULD HAVE EVER DREAMED, EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT HAVE 2 NICKLES TO RUB TOGETHER
#5. SOUNDS OF NATURE
#6. LOVING MYSELF TODAY, FOR WHO I AM
#7. HAVING ALL OF MY NEEDS MET, BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE TODAY
#8. BEING HEALTHY
#9. THE TRUST AND LOVE OF GOOD PEOPLE
#10. BEING TRUE TO MY WORD

GRATITUDE!

#1. LIFE'S LESSONS, GOOD & BAD
#2. GOOD FRIENDS, STEPHEN, MONA, PEGGY, CARLA, LINDA AND ALL MY GREAT AND FAITHFUL BLOG FOLLOWERS
#3. WRITING, LOVING IT!
#4. A COMPUTER AND LEARNING HOW TO USE IT
#5. LEARNING
#6. MEETING NEW AND GOOD PEOPLE
#7. LITTLE, IMMEDIATE FAMILY (PETS) , THE ONES WHO LISTEN TO ME AND DON'T TALK BACK
#8. GOOD NEIGHBORS
#9. GOOD LANDLORDS
#10. GIFT OF ANOTHER DAY CLEAN AND SOBER

AS I PROMISED IN AN EARLIER BLOG,THIS IS ONE OF THE CAT STORIES. I DECIDED TO BEGIN WITH THIS ONE MAINLY BECAUSE IT HAS DONE SO MUCH FOR MY SPIRIT THAT I THOUGHT IT MIGHT IT DO THE SAME FOR SOME OF YOU. I HAVE SEEN PAIN AND STRUGGLE, COURAGE, WILL POWER AND DETERMINATION BECAUSE OF THIS ONE CAT, AND I HOPE THAT IT WILL DO SOME OF THE SAME FOR YOU.
I'VE ELOQUENTLY AND QUITE ADEQUATELY NAMED THIS LITTLE CAT, ONE- EYE. THE REASON FOR HIS NAME IS IN THE STORY OF HIM COMING TO ME AND ALSO IN THE STRENGTH THAT HE HAS SHOWN IN THIS LIFE. AS I HAVE WRITTEN MANY TIMES, I HAVE FELT THAT IT IS INDEED IMPORTANT FOR MYSELF TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE GIVING SOMETHING BACK TO THE UNIVERSE, SIMPLY BECAUSE I SPENT THE FIRST PART OF MY LIFE BEING A SPOILED TAKER OF ALL THINGS, BEING WRAPPED UP IN MY ADDICTIONS AND SELF-GRATIFICATIONS. ONE OF THE SIMPLE WAYS THAT I ADEQUATELY ATTEMPT TO DO THIS IS TO TAKE CARE OF CREATURES, ESP. DOGS AND CATS. NOT SO MUCH BY HAVING THEM LIVE WITH ME BUT BY GETTING THEM SPAYED AND NEUTERED, FOOD IF I CAN, AND FINDING GOOD HOMES FOR THOSE IN NEED. I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT ALTHOUGH I AM AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AN ANIMAL LOVER, THIS WAS NOT MY CHOICE. IT WAS A CHOICE THAT WAS SIMPLY BESTOWED ONTO ME. THIS STORY STARTS ABOUT ONE YEAR AGO, IN THE APT. COMPLEX THAT I LIVE IN WHERE THERE IS AN ABUNDANCE OF FERAL CATS. I'M NOT CERTAIN WHY THIS IS, EXCEPT THAT THIS IS A COLLEGE AREA, AND SOMETIMES I THINK THAT WHEN THE STUDENTS LEAVE, THEY FORGET THEIR CATS, UNFORTUNATELY. SO IT SEEMED THAT WE HAD SEVERAL WILD CATS IN OUR COMPLEX, AND SO CONSEQUENTLY I WOULD LEAVE FOOD OUT WHEN I WAS ABLE. THERE WERE TWO CATS IN PARTICULAR THAT SEEMED TO BE AROUND A LOT. ONE WAS ALL BLACK AND SMALLER OF THE TWO, AND THE OTHER WAS GRAY WITH A LITTLE BIT OF WHITE. THEY WERE BOTH FERAL AND MALE. I SIMPLY CALLED THE BLACK ONE KITTY AND THE GRAY ONE GRANDPA. MOST EVERYONE HERE SEEMED TO DISLIKE GRANDPA AS HE LIKED TO SPRAY ON THEIR DOORS. I TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT ONCE I COULD CAPTURE THEM I WOULD HAVE THEM NEUTERED, AND PUT AN END TO THIS PROBLEM. I TALKED TO THEM BOTH ON A DAILY BASIS AND THEY SEEMED TO LISTEN TO MY EVERY WORD. HA! SO ,ONE NIGHT ABOUT 9 MONTHS AGO I HEARD A TERRIBLE NOISE IN THE CORNER OF MY BACK YARD. I KNEW THAT ALL MY ANIMALS WERE IN THE HOUSE SAFE AND SOUND, SO I VENTURED OUT TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON. IT WASN'T PRETTY. IT WAS A FIGHT WITH TWO RACCOONS AND A CAT. I COULD NOT TELL WHICH CAT IT WAS. HOWEVER, I KNEW THAT IT WAS VERY BAD AND I SAID A SILENT PRAYER. I HAD GREAT FEAR FOR THE POOR CAT.
I DID NOT SEE THE INJURED CAT, NOR EVEN KNOW WHICH ONE IT WAS FOR SEVERAL WEEKS. THEN ONE DAY TO MY TOTAL HORROR, THERE UNDER MY CAR SAT THE LITTLE BLACK CAT. IT WAS SO TORN UP IT LITERALLY MADE ME SICK AND BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES. MY MOTHERLY INSTINCTS WERE FELT DOWN TO THE VERY CORE OF MY SOUL. HE WAS HALF A CAT; HIS WHOLE RIGHT SIDE SEEMED TO BE RIPPED AWAY, AND HE HAD NO RIGHT EYE. IT WAS THEN THAT HE GOT THE NAME OF ONE- EYE. I LAY DOWN ON THE PAVEMENT AS CLOSE AS HE WOULD ALLOW ME TO GET AND I SPOKE WITH A VERY SOFT VOICE, TELLING HIM THAT I WANTED TO HELP HIM, THAT I WOULD TAKE HIM TO THE VET, AND IF NOT, THEN I WOULD BRING HIM FOOD AND WATER AND WE COULD TRY TO GIVE HIM STRENGTH TO GET WELL. I WAS WILLING TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THIS TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY, EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T THINK THAT THIS POOR CAT COULD OR WOULD SURVIVE. ALL I COULD DO WAS MY BEST AND HOPE THAT IT WOULD DO SOME GOOD. WELL, GOOD IT SEEMED TO DO, BECAUSE AFTER WEEKS TURNED INTO MONTHS LITTLE ONE EYE SHOWED REAL SIGNS OF HEALING. HE HAD NO EYE ON THE RIGHT SIDE, WAS STILL DEFORMED; HOWEVER, HE WAS GAINING WEIGHT AND LOOKING GOOD. HE WOULD WATCH ME WALK MY LITTLE DOG AND SOMETIMES FOLLOW US, AND VERY SOON HE BECAME A REGULAR AT MY DOOR FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. HE WAS INDEED A GREAT EATER! MY OWN CATS SEEMED TO RESPOND TO HIM FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE ALSO BY WATCHING HIM IN WONDER AND AWE AT HIS PROGRESS. SO, FOR A FEW MONTHS ONE -EYE FOLLOWED ME, LISTENED TO ME, TAUGHT ME THAT YOU JUST NEVER KNOW, THAT SOMETIMES SMALL THINGS HAVE GREAT COURAGE, AND THAT IF YOU WALK INTO A FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT REASON, HOLD YOUR HEAD UP NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK, AND PERSEVERANCE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING. ONE DAY AS ONE- EYE SEEMED TO BE GETTING HEALTHIER AND ALOT FRIENDLIER HE DID THE UNEXPECTED: HE ALLOWED ME TO PET HIM. I WAS SO HAPPY I CRIED, AND FROM THEM ON HE WOULD LET ME PET HIM AND EVEN RUB ON MY LEG. THEN, TWO NIGHTS AGO, HE CAME TO THE DOOR QUITE UNEXPECTED, LOOKED DEEP INTO MY EYES. HE SEEMED VERY WEAK AND WASN'T EATING. I PICKED HIM UP. HE ALSO WAS DRINKING OUT OF THE WATER POND INSTEAD OF HIS USUAL WATER BOWL. I KNEW THAT SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT. SO, AFTER A FEW HUGS, AN "I LOVE YOU, ONE -EYE", HE JUMPED DOWN, LOOKED BACK AT ME AND SLOWLY STAGGERED AWAY. I NOW KNOW THAT HE WAS COMING TO TELL ME FAREWELL AND HAPPY TRAILS. I DID NOT REALIZE IT AT THE TIME BUT I BELIEVE THAT HE WANTED ME TO KNOW THAT HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO A MUCH BETTER PLACE. I WAS INDEED SAD FOR A MOMENT UNTIL I REALIZED THAT ONE -EYE HAD COME TO ME FOR MANY LESSONS AND THAT HE HAD SHOWN ME ONE OF THE FINAL ONES, THAT BEING THAT WE ALL PASS ON. THANK YOU, ONE- EYE! I WILL NOT FORGET YOU, AND I HOPE THAT THERE WILL BE A LOT OF GREAT MICE FOR YOU TO CHASE IN YOUR NEW HOME, WITH BOTH EYES OPEN.

GRATITUDE TODAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2009

#1. JUST BEING GRATEFUL, FOR THE SAKE OF BEING GRATEFUL.
#2. FAMILY, GOOD FRIENDS
#3. ALLOWED TO AWAKEN TO THE TWO MOST BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES, OF MY LITTLE BRANDILYNN DOG, AND KNOWING THAT SHE LOVES AND TRUSTS ME, AS I DO HER 100%
#4. HAVING COURAGE TODAY TO STEP UP, FACE MY FEARS, MAKE AMENDS WHEN I AM WRONG, AND KNOWING THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND WE DO MAKE MISTAKES.
#5. BEING BLESSED WITH THE TWO GREATEST PARENTS WHO EVER LIVED, WHO TAUGHT ME, KINDNESS, HONESTY, HARD WORK, COMPASSION AND SO MUCH MORE
#6. BEING OPEN -MINDED AND WILLING TODAY TO SHARE MY STORY AND POST MY BLOG
#7. LOVING THE SIMPLEST OF THINGS TODAY, AND APPRECIATING THEM FOR ALL THAT THEY ARE
#8. THE FREEDOM I HAVE TODAY FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION, AND THE RESTRAINTS THAT IT PUTS ON MY LIFE
#9. TRUSTING IN THE PROCESS TODAY, THAT THINGS WILL WORK OUT, IF I DO MY BEST AND HAVE FAITH.
#10.LIKING THE WOMAN THAT I AM BECOMING TODAY, DESPITE HER MISTAKES, PAST CHOICES, AND KNOWING THAT I HAVE LEARNED A LOT FROM ALL OF THOSE THINGS.

GOOD DAY ,FELLOW BLOGGERS. THANK HEAVEN, OR THE STARS , FOR ANOTHER DAY! WE CAN ALL START ANEW IF WE SO CHOOSE TO DO SO TODAY. NEW ATTITUDE, THOUGHT PROCESS, AND THE CHOICES THAT WE WANT TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES. IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME! THE MOMENTS OF OUR LIVES ARE NOW, SO STAND UP, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND DESIRES. BE COURAGEOUS, GO FOR IT! THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO WHAT SEEMS TO BE A TREND LATELY. IT IS THE EXTREME RUDENESS THAT PEOPLE SEEM TO DISPLAY, FOR SOME REASON ON A MUCH MORE OPEN BASIS. I WAS ALWAYS TAUGHT THAT IF THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T LIKE IN THE WORLD OR ANOTHER PERSON, PERHAPS, I SHOULD LOOK INWARD. IT MIGHT JUST BE SOMETHING THAT I SEE IN MYSELF THAT I FIND DISTASTEFUL. IT WAS ABOUT A MONTH AGO WHEN ON THE OPRAH WINPHREY SHOW, THEY DID A SEGMENT ENTIRELY FOCUSED ON RUDENESS. I GENUINELY LOVE OPRAH, AND I USUALLY FIND HER PROGRAMS AND THE WORDS SHE SAYS TO BE QUITE PROFOUND. AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PROGRAM THEY HAD THE AUDIENCE MEMBERS AND THE HOME VIEWING AUDIENCE TAKE A LITTLE RUDENESS QUIZ. IT WAS VERY PRIVATE AND ONE IN WHICH A PERSON COULD BE TOTALLY HONEST WITH THEMSELVES. THE GOAL OF THIS TEST WAS TO SEE OUR EFFECT OF RUDENESS IN THE WORLD, PRIVATELY. I TOOK THE TEST, AND QUITE FRANKLY I DID QUITE WELL, IT SHOWED THAT I WASN'T A VERY RUDE PERSON. (I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR THAT) I DO REALIZE THOUGH THAT AS PEOPLE WE CAN SOMETIMES BE RUDE WITHOUT REALIZING IT, DUE TO STRESS AND OTHER OUTSIDE FACTORS. I BRING THIS SUBJECT UP TODAY BECAUSE YESTERDAY WHILE AT WAL-MART I HAD A VERY RUDE INCIDENT HAPPEN TO ME. NOW, I'VE GONE OVER THIS INCIDENT IN MY HEAD TIME AND TIME AGAIN, WONDERING WHAT, IF ANYTHING, I DID TO PROVOKE SUCH HORRIFIC BEHAVIOR. AS I HAVE SEARCHED MY SOUL, AND RACKED MY BRAIN I CAN NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE IT OUT, OR COME UP WITH ANY KIND OF EXCUSE FOR SUCH DISRESPECTFUL CONDUCT. THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, IS THAT I TRULY DO WISH THAT I COULD FIGURE OUT WHAT, IF ANY PROVOCATION I DID DO , JUST SO AS TO NEVER DO IT AGAIN. FIRST THINGS FIRST. YOU MUST KNOW THAT I DRIVE A 1991 SILVER VOLVO. I LOVE MY CAR AND I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL FOR IT, HOWEVER, IT IS ON THE OLDER SIDE OF LIFE AND HAS ALOT OF CHARACTER. IT RUNS SUPERIOR, AND SOMEDAY I WILL POST A SPECIAL BLOG TO ACQUIRING HER. NOW, CONTINUING ON WITH THE DRAMA OF THE WAL-MART STORY, I FOUND A PARKING SPACE WAY OUT, AND NEAR THE GARDEN SECTION. I SHOULD ALSO MENTION THAT THERE WERE SEVERAL OTHER SPACES NEAR THE ONE I FOUND. SO WITH SEVERAL BETWEEN ME AND THE STORE, I PULLED INTO A EMPTY SPACE, NOONE WAS WAITING FOR THAT SPACE, I MIGHT ADD. IN THE FRONT OF THE SPACE THERE WAS A WOMAN WHO WAS PUTTING HER PURCHASES INTO HER TRUCK, A SILVER, BRAND NEW TRUCK WITH HER HUSBAND. MY VEHICLE DID NOT PULL IN TOO FAR AS TO BLOCK THEIR WAY OR MAKE IT DIFFICULT FOR THEM TO LOAD THEIR PURCHASES. AS I PULLED IN I HAD ORKNEY OF SPACE AND DID NOT HONK OR GIVE THEM ANY SORT OF DISGRUNTLED LOOK, JUST GOT MY KEYS, MY PURSE AND PROCEEDED TO EXIT THE CAR. IT WAS AT THIS POINT THAT SHE TURNED AND GAVE ME A VERY HATEFUL LOOK, AND JERKED UP HER BASKET. I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AS I THOUGHT ALL WAS ALRIGHT. I DID HOWEVER, FIND HER BEHAVIOR A LITTLE TROUBLESOME, BUT CONTINUED TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS JUST THE SAME. AS I GOT MYSELF A CART AND BEGAN TO WALK AWAY IT WAS HER HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND THAT TOOK THEIR CART, TURNED AROUND AND PUSHED IT INTO MY CAR, EXTREMELY FORCEFUL. THEN I DID SPEAK UP ," WHAT WAS THAT FOR? " TO WHICH HE ONLY REPLIED BY GIVING ME THE FINGER. THEY GOT INTO THEIR SHINY NEW TRUCK AND BACKED AWAY. I WAS DUMBSTRUCK, TO PUT IT MILDLY. OPRAH'S SHOW WAS RIGHT! CIVILITY IT SEEMS HAS GONE TO HELL IN A HAND BASKET. I ON THE OTHER HAND DO NOT CHOOSE TO BE A PART OF A RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL SOCIETY. INSTEAD I AM GOING TO COMMIT MYSELF TO CONTINUALLY STRIVE TO BE A POLITE AND COURTEOUS PERSON TO ALL THOSE I COME INTO CONTACT WITH. I SURE HOPE THAT THE GUY IN THAT SILVER NEW TRUCK HAS A WONDERFUL DAY!

DAILY GRATITUDE

#1. PETS
#2. MY FRIENDS: STEPHEN, COLLEEN, PEGGY, MONA, MICKEY ( ANY ONE ELSE I DIDN'T MENTION, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)
#3. MY PARENTS
#4. MY HOME
#5. RECOVERY
#6. ALL FAMILY
#7. DREAMS/GOALS
#8. BLOGGING
#9 MY MANY TALENTS
#10. OPEN MIND, FREE SPIRIT
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN ANIMAL LOVER AND ADVOCATE, WHICH IS BY NO MEANS A BAD THING, AND I ATTRIBUTE THIS TO MY LOVING PARENTS. IN FACT, THE OPPOSITE OF BEING A BAD THING, I BELIEVE, IS TRUE. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I DO LOVE PEOPLE; HOWEVER, I PREFER DOGS AND CATS MUCH MORE. AT FIRST THIS REALIZATION WAS A LITTLE TROUBLESOME FOR ME." WHY? " YOU MAY ASK. WELL, IT LED ME TO DO A GREAT DEAL OF SOUL -SEARCHING, AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE COME UP WITH. YES, I DO LOVE THEM A LOT, AND ONE MIGHT THINK OF IT AS OBSESSIVE. HOWEVER, I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO PUT MY CATS' PICTURES ALL OVER, AND HATS WITH SCARVES ON MY DOG, ALL THE WHILE TELLING YOU TO PLEASE GET OUT OF HER CHAIR. IN MY SOUL-SEARCHING I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT GOD, MY CREATOR ( YOURS MAY BE SOMETHING ELSE), THOUGHT IT AN INSIGHTFUL THING TO PUT CREATURES ON THIS EARTH, WITH HUMAN PARTS. HE THOUGHT THAT PERHAPS THEY WOULD BE A USEFUL TOOL IN TEACHING HIS HUMAN BEINGS A THING OR TWO. SO, HE DESIGNED THESE CREATURES VERY SPECIAL IN ALL SIZES, SHAPES, AND EVEN UNIQUE PERSONALITIES TO SEND TO EARTH. HE GAVE THEM HEARTS THAT COULD MOVE MOUNTAINS, AND ALSO SHOW HIS NOT- ALWAYS -WISE HUMANS JUST WHAT THE TRUE MEANING OF REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE WAS ALL ABOUT. HE GAVE THEM WISDOM TO TRUST THOSE INSTINCTS THAT, ONCE AGAIN, HUMANS SEEM TO FORGET, AS WE DON'T ALWAYS PAY ATTENTION. THE ONE THING THAT HE HELD BACK FROM THEM WAS A VOICE, AS WE KNOW IT. THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW OF THE SOUL, HOWEVER, SO IF YOU LOOK YOU WILL HEAR THEIR VOICE. WHEN I HAVE A QUESTION, I JUST ASK MY DOG AND LOOK DEEP INTO HER TRUSTING EYES, WITH AN OPEN MIND, AND I SOMEHOW KNOW HER ANSWER. I BELIEVE THE VOICE ISSUE WAS WITHHELD FOR THE SIMPLE REASON THAT OUR PETS COULD NOT TELL US OUTRIGHT THE SECRETS TO THE UNIVERSE, AND THE ELUSIVE AND MUCH- SOUGHT MEANING OF LIFE. I AM ALSO OF THE TRUE BELIEF THAT US HUMANS WOULD BE A BETTER RACE IF WE PAID ATTENTION AND LEARNED FROM OUR ANIMAL COUNTERPARTS. JUST THINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT THEY COULD TEACH US, THE JOY OF LOVING, JUST FOR LOVING, MAYBE A SIMPLE PAT ON THE HEAD. THEY TEACH US RESPONSIBILITY: YOU MUST FEED,WALK, TRAIN, AND CLEAN UP AFTER A DOG. ALTHOUGH THESE ARE ALL JUST THE NECESSARY THINGS, THERE IS STILL THE LOVE, AFFECTION, FAITH, RESPECT THAT YOU WILL GET ON A CONTINUED BASIS FROM ALL OF THE ABOVE. SO, I'VE COME TO A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION FOR THE WORLDS ISSUES, MAYBE NOT EVERYTHING, BUT A START. HOW ABOUT A MANDATORY ORDER THAT ALL CHILDREN SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO HAVE A PET, AT LEAST FOR A LIMITED TIME. I REALIZE THAT TIMES BEING WHAT THEY ARE, IT SEEMS THAT THIS MIGHT BE AN ADDED FINANCIAL BURDEN. I ASK YOU, HOWEVER, WHAT PRICE IS SELF- ESTEEM? LEARNING RESPONSIBILITY? A CONTINUED COMPANION? WHAT BETTER WAY TO EXPLAIN THE CYCLE OF LIFE? WE ALL LIVE, AND WE ALL DIE. CHILDREN COULD LEARN A LOT ABOUT BEING CONTENT WITH SIMPLE THINGS, LIKE A PIECE OF STRING AND A SHINY OBJECT. GIVE THOSE TO A TEN -YEAR- OLD TODAY AND MOST LIKELY THEY WOULD NOT EVEN HAVE A CLUE. ANIMALS HAVE A KEEN SENSE OF TRUST, THEY ACCEPT ONE ANOTHER FOR JUST WHAT THEY ARE. WHY CAN'T WE DO THAT? WE JUDGE BY RACE, AGE, RELIGION, SIZE, ETC. WITH DOGS AND CATS IT'S JUST THEM, MAYBE THE COLLAR THEY ARE WEARING, NO FANCY JEWELRY, CARS OR EXPENSIVE HOMES. PLEASE DON'T GET ME WRONG. I LOVE MODERN TECHNOLOGY. WE HAVE JUST GOTTEN THE LINES CROSSED SOMEWHERE. MY 25 -YEAR- OLD CAT LOVES ALL CATS. OH, BELIEVE THAT SHE LETS THEM KNOW WHO THE BOSS IS, BUT THEY DON'T LOOK AT HER COLLAR AND STICK THEIR NOSES UP. MY LITTLE LOVEBUG "BRANDILYNN" DOG NOT ONLY INSPIRES ME, BUT IN HER WAY SHE ALSO TELLS ME DAILY HOW MUCH SHE LOVES ME AND THAT I AM A GREAT PERSON, BEAUTIFUL IN HER EYES. SHE FORGIVES ALL MY PAST SHORTCOMINGS AND ACCEPTS ME FOR THE WOMAN I AM TODAY. THE UNIQUE PERSONALITIES IN MY HOME ARE A GENUINE JOY TO LIVE WITH, EVEN WHEN SOMEONE IS IN A BAD MOOD. I TAKE IT IN STRIDE FOR I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT PERSONAL, AND VERY SOON THEY WILL GET OVER IT. WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD WE COULD HAVE IF WE JUST USED HALF OF THE EXAMPLES OF OUR FINE FURRY ONES. ALMOST ALL OF MY PETS HAVE SOMEHOW COME TO ME THROUGH DIVINE INTERVENTION, AND MOST ARE JUST HERE ON A TEMP BASIS. HOWEVER, THEY EACH HAVE ENRICHED MY LIFE SO, AND ALSO HAVE A TRULY UNIQUE STORY. THIS IS MY SMALL WAY OF GIVING BACK TO THE UNIVERSE, AND EVEN THOUGH I AM ON A VERY LIMITED INCOME, I ALWAYS SEEM TO FIND A
WAY. BESIDES, I AM THE ONE THAT IS GETTING ALL THE LOVE. LOOK FOR THEIR UNIQUE STORIES IN FUTURE BLOGS....

DAILY GRATITUDE LIST

#1. AMERICA , A DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY
#2. FREEDOM OF SPEECH, THE 1ST AMENDMENT!
#3. KNOWLEDGE (A LOT OR A LITTLE, DEPENDS ON THE SUBJECT)
#4 FRIENDS, FAMILY
#5. MY BABIES! (PETS)
#6. MY AMAZING GREEN THUMB, BEAUTIFUL GARDEN. THANKS MOM!
#7. MY GREAT ABILITY TO HOPE AND DREAM.
#8. OPTIMISM.
#9. RECOVERY.
#10. SPIRITUALITY

AWAKING YESTERDAY I WAS QUITE PLEASED, FOR I AWOKE TO THE SOUND OF THE FIRST RAIN OF THE SEASON. I LOVE RAIN, AND IT SEEMED TO PUT A MUCH NEEDED FIRE IN MY GET-ALONG. I SIMPLY LOVE THAT FRESH AND CRISP SMELL OF THE FIRST RAIN. MY GARDEN ALSO ADORES IT! I LOVE THE SMELL AND THE SOUND AS IT PELTS DOWN ONTO MY ROOF AND RENEWS MY FAITH OF AN ANOTHER NEW SEASON. FALL IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE FOR ME A FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR. OF COURSE, I DO BELIEVE I SAY THAT WITH THE PASSING OF EACH ONE. HOWEVER, IN THE FALL I SEEM TO GET VERY NESTY AND DOMESTICATED, A LOT MORE THAN USUAL, BOTH IN MY HOME AND IN MY GENERAL LIFE. FALL FOR MYSELF IS A LOT LIKE THE SPRING CLEANING THING, (WHICH I ALSO ALWAYS DO). FALL, HOWEVER, MAKES ME WANT TO CLEAN AND COOK HEARTY MEALS AND INVITE PEOPLE OVER FOR GREAT COMPANY. I SEEM TO GO THROUGH ALL MY OLD PHOTOS AT THIS TIME AND ARRANGE THEM IN AN ORDER TO BE PUT TOGETHER INTO AN ALBUM, A JOB THAT I NEVER SEEM TO MAKE TIME FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR. I ALSO FINISH ALL THOSE SOMEHOW STARTED AND NOT QUITE FINISHED PROJECTS OF THE PAST YEAR. I PREPARE MYSELF FOR THE BIG HUSTLE AND BUSTLE OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON. THANKS AGAIN TO MY DEAR MOTHER! SHE TAUGHT ME THE REAL MEANING OF THE SEASON, AND I SIMPLY LOVE THE HOLIDAYS, NOT ALL THE COMMERCIALISM , BUT THE TRUE AND SIMPLE JOY OF GIVING OF ONE'S SELF. A QUOTE FROM MY MOTHER, " JODY, IT'S NEVER ENOUGH TO GO AND PURCHASE SOMETHING AT A DEPT. STORE. IT IS MOST IMPORTANT THAT YOU ALWAYS GIVE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF, EVEN IF IT HURTS A LITTLE, AND IT IS IMPORTANT TO SOMETIMES GIVE WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING WHERE IT CAME FROM." THIS LITTLE QUOTE IS SIMPLY WHO MY MOTHER WAS AND IT IS INGRAINED IN ME AND SOMETHING THAT I TRY TO LIVE BY ALL THE YEAR THROUGH. THINK ABOUT IT. IT'S EASY TO GIVE CANNED FOOD FROM YOUR PANTRY THAT YOU WILL NEVER EAT. WHAT ABOUT THE NICKNACK THAT YOUR GREAT AUNT HELEN PASSED TO YOU, THAT IS JUST SIMPLY COLLECTING DUST? GO ON, GIVE A LITTLE SOMETHING THAT YOU CHERISH, OR SOMETHING OF YOUR SOUL. GO VOLUNTEER. I DO KNOW ONE THING TODAY WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND IT DERIVES FROM MY MANY YEARS IN 12- STEP PROGRAMS. YOU CAN'T KEEP IT UNLESS YOU GIVE IT AWAY! REMEMBER, IT IS NOT WHAT YOU GIVE THAT COUNTS BUT THE SPIRIT IN WHICH YOU GIVE IT.
FOR REAL, DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU GOT FOR YOUR 10TH BIRTHDAY? DO YOU RECALL WHO WAS THERE? ALL THE LOVE THAT THEY HAD FOR YOU? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN OBITUARY THAT TOLD YOU HOW MUCH MONEY A PERSON HAD, OR WHAT KIND OF CAR HE DROVE? THE PEOPLE THAT I HAVE LOVED WHO DEPARTED ARE CERTAINLY NEVER THOUGHT OF BY ME IN THAT REGARD. RATHER, HOW KIND, HOW HONEST, DID THEY DO THEIR BEST? AND DID THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO DO UNTO OTHERS AS THEY WOULD WANT DONE TO THEM? WELL, I SURE HOPE THAT IN MY PASSING FOLKS WILL LOOK AT MY LIFE AS THESE THINGS, AND, IF NOT, THEN THEY CAN THINK OF MY 18- YEAR- OLD SILVER, 4 -DOOR VOLVO, WITH A SUN ROOF AND AN EXCELLENT STEREO...(MAKE IT SOUND GOOD, PLEASE!) THE BLOG OF MY VOLVO TO FOLLOW AT A LATER DATE. SO WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? WHAT TRADITIONS DO YOU HAVE? IF YOU HAVE NONE THEN MAKE YOUR OWN. I HAVE MANY AND CONTINUE TO MAKE MORE EACH YEAR WITH PLEASURE AND JOY. THESE ARE THE WONDERFUL MEMORIES I RECALL. REMEMBER THIS: THAT CHRISTMAS IS BUT ONE DAY A YEAR, AND THAT THE REAL INSPIRATION IS TO CARRY A LITTLE BIT OF THAT JOY, LOVE, SHARING OF ONE'S SELF ON A DAILY BASIS. JUST SAY "HELLO"TO FOLKS. WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. PEACE, LOVE AND JOY BE YOURS TODAY ON YOUR JOURNEY. LOVE, JODYJOY.

THE GREATEST MOTHER ( gratitude beginning)

I AM GRATEFUL THAT I HAD THE GREATEST MOTHER WHO EVER LIVED. I'M SURE A LOT OF PEOPLE CAN CERTAINLY SAY THOSE EXACT WORDS, SO I MUST ELABORATE.
OH, DON'T GET ME WRONG: I DIDN'T ALWAYS SEE THIS SO CLEARLY, AND, UNFORTUNATELY, I SURE WASN'T THE MOST REDEEMABLE CHILD OF ALL TIME EITHER. HOWEVER, IN THE END, I KNOW ONE THING FOR CERTAIN, WITH ALL MY HEART, AND THAT IS THAT MY MOTHER LOVED ME, AND I LOVED HER. SHE DID IN FACT FORGIVE ME OF ALL MY SOMETIMES UNFORGIVABLE SHORTCOMINGS, BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME SO AT THE END. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE GIFT THAT WAS FOR ME. IT IS ONLY NOW WITH A VERY HUMBLE HEART THAT I CAN TRULY APPRECIATE ALL THAT SHE WAS AND ALL THAT SHE DID FOR ME. MY MOM WAS QUITE THE CUTE LITTLE CHARACTER WITH A MOUNTAIN OF CLASS. I WAS THE YOUNGEST CHILD OF FIVE, AND SO VERY SPOILED: JUST ASK MY SIBLINGS. MY MOTHER WAS 36 WHEN SHE HAD ME. OH, HOW THIS BOTHERED ME WHILE I WAS GROWING UP: IT SEEMED LIKE I HAD THE OLDEST MOTHER ALIVE. SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. IT IS TRUE, WE WERE OF VERY DIFFERENT GENERATIONS, AND YET NOW THOSE OLD THOUGHTS OF HERS SEEM TO MAKE SO MUCH SENSE. MY MOTHER WAS WISE! SHE COULD SEE THE FUTURE! LIKE WHEN I WAS GETTING READY TO MARRY A WONDERFUL MAN WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE DISABLED AND IN A WHEELCHAIR. WE LOVED EACH OTHER VERY MUCH, AND I BELIEVE STILL DO, EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOW DIVORCED. WELL MY MOTHER ALSO HAD A GREAT LOVE FOR HIM AND A LOT OF RESPECT. HOWEVER, SHE ALSO KNEW ME. SO WHEN SHE SAID TO ME " ARE YOU SURE? WHAT ABOUT THE DAY YOU WANT SOMEONE TO DANCE WITH, OR CARRY OUT THE TRASH?" BELIEVE ME THAT SHE ABSOLUTELY MEANT NO DISRESPECT TO MY SOON- TO -BE HUSBAND. SHE JUST WANTED ME TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE. UNFORTUNATELY 10 YEARS LATER THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. MY MOTHER WAS AN AMAZING WOMAN WITH TALENTS BEYOND HER KNOWLEDGE. SHE WAS AN EXCELLENT COUNSELOR AND ADVISOR TO SO MANY PEOPLE. I REMEMBER NEIGHBORS, FRIENDS, RELATIVES, ALWAYS SEEKING HER ADVICE AND OPINIONS ON THINGS, AND THEY ALWAYS SEEMED TO FEEL BETTER AFTER TALKING TO HER OVER A CUP OF COFFEE.MY MOTHER WAS THE PERFECT HOSTESS AND LOVED TO INVITE PEOPLE OVER TO HER HOME FOR BARBECUES, DINNERS, ETC. JUST TO VISIT. SHE WAS THE PERFECT PARTY- GIVER. SHE HAD AN AMAZING LOVE OF LIFE. SHE USED TO TELL ME, "JODY, YOU JUST LOVE TO HAVE A PARTY." WELL, SHE WAS RIGHT. I LEARNED IT ALL FROM HER, THE BEST. SHE TAUGHT ME THAT IT WAS O.K. TO ENJOY COOKING, LAUGHING, AND ENJOYING PEOPLE'S COMPANY FOR ANY REASON AT ALL. MY LOVE OF BIRTHDAYS, HAVING THEM AND GIVING THEM, ALL STEMS FROM THE JOY THAT SHE BROUGHT TO EACH ONE OF MINE AS A LITTLE GIRL.MY BIRTHDAYS WERE MAGICAL! MY BIRTHDAY ALWAYS FELL TWO DAYS AFTER VALENTINE'S DAY AND MY MOM ALWAYS MADE IT A WEEK LONG CELEBRATION. MY SPECIAL DAY WOULD ARRIVE AND I WOULD AWAKEN TO HAVE MY BEDROOM DOOR COVERED IN BALLOONS AND STREAMERS, AND A RECORD PLAYING CALLED "BETTY BUNNY'S BIRTHDAY DAY". SHE PLAYED THAT RECORD ALL DAY, I LOVED IT. I CAN STILL REMEMBER ALL THE WORDS. IF I HAD SCHOOL THAT DAY MY MOM ALWAYS MADE A SPECIAL TREAT FOR ME TO TAKE TO CLASS TO SHARE WITH MY SCHOOLMATES. THEN THERE WAS ALWAYS THE WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY PARTY, PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY, ALL THE GAMES, ICE CREAM AND CAKE: NO BOUNCE HOUSE HERE. I BELIEVE THAT MY BIRTHDAYS WERE MORE MAGICAL THAN ANY THAT HAPPEN TODAY, BECAUSE I HAD A MOM THAT MADE THEM SO.THE GREATEST LESSON THAT I LEARNED FROM MY MOTHER IS THE WAY IN WHICH SHE LOVED. THERE IS NO DOUBT IN ANY OF OUR MINDS THAT OUR MOTHER LOVED US. SHE LOVED AND ADORED HER GRANDCHILDREN. SO AS I TRAVEL NOW ON THIS JOURNEY I AM REASSURED BY THE SIMPLE FACT THAT I WAS TOUCHED BY THE GREATEST MOTHER AND LOVE THAT EVER WAS.

GRATITUDE LIST

#1. FREEDOM
#2. FAMILY ( CHECK TODAY'S POST)
#3.MAGICAL MEMORIES (ALSO TODAY'S POST)
#4. DEAR FRIENDS
#5. RECOVERY
#6. SPIRITUALITY
#7.AMERICA
#8. CHOICES, KNOWING I'M ON THE RIGHT PATH AS A RESULT OF THE RIGHT CHOICES
#10. BEING TOTALLY HONEST, NEVER HAVING TO WONDER WHAT I'VE SAID

HELLO, EVERYONE:
WOW, I'VE BEEN QUITE LAZY IN POSTING, AND I DO APOLOGIZE. IT SEEMS THAT A LOT HAS TRANSPIRED FOR ME AND I'M NOT CERTAIN WHERE TO BEGIN. SO, ON THIS VERY HUMBLE DAY I THINK THAT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT WE PAUSE TO REMEMBER SEPT. 11TH, OUR FALLEN FRIENDS, FAMILY HEROES, AND EVEN OUR ENEMIES. WHAT A DEVASTATINGLY SAD EVENT FOR ALL OF US. PLEASE LET US NEVER FORGET! SO, I'M SO EXCITED TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY WONDERFUL TURN OF EVENTS THIS WEEK. BECAUSE OF THE BAD CHOICES I MADE FOR MY LIFE , I HAD ALIENATED MOST OF MY FAMILY. IT HURTS ME DEARLY EVEN THOUGH I DO KNOW THAT IT IS NO ONE'S FAULT BUT MY OWN. SO ON SEPT. THE SEVENTH I EMAILED MY DEAR LITTLE AND MOST BEAUTIFUL NIECE, ONE THAT WAS STILL IN COMMUNICATION WITH ME, TO PLEASE PASS ON AN EMAIL TO HER BIG SISTER OF A HAPPY BIRTHDAY MESSAGE, FOR THE NEXT DAY. SHE SIGNED IT FROM HER FAVORITE AUNT. I ALWAYS TOLD THEM I WAS THEIR FAVORITE. THIS NIECE, MY SISTER'S OLDEST DAUGHTER, IS FULL- GROWN NOW WITH CHILDREN OF HER OWN. A VERY BEAUTIFUL GIRL, AND BECAUSE OF MY MOST SELFISH SELF I HAVE MISSED MOST OF THAT. HOWEVER , WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL WE WERE EXTREMELY CLOSE, AS I WAS WITH ALL MY BEAUTIFUL NIECES AND NEPHEWS. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I ALWAYS TOLD THEM ALL THAT I WAS THEIR FAVORITE AUNT. WE WERE ALL MUCH CLOSER IN AGE THAN MY SIBLINGS AND I WERE, AND I SPENT A GREAT DEAL OF TIME WITH EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM. I MISS THEM ALL SO VERY MUCH.
WELL, MY LITTLE NIECE DID IN FACT PASS ON THE BIRTHDAY MESSAGE. I KNOW EACH OF THEIR BIRTHDAYS AND ALWAYS HAVE, AND EACH AND EVERY YEAR WISHED THEM A SILENT HAPPY BIRTHDAY. WELL , WHAT AN INCREDIBLE GIFT! I AWOKE THE VERY NEXT MORNING TO AN EMAIL FROM MY BIRTHDAY NIECE. I SIMPLY CRIED AS I READ IT OVER AND OVER. IT TOUCHED MY SPIRIT VERY DEEPLY, AND ON SO MANY LEVELS. FIRST, THAT SHE RESPONDED. I WAS OVERCOME.
SECOND, IT WAS A GLIMMER OF HOPE FOR ME: MAYBE I HAD A CHANCE AFTER ALL TO RIGHT SOME OF THE WASTED YEARS, OF MY SELF- CENTERED PAST.
THIRD, SHE HAD RECOUNTED MEMORIES FROM HER CHILDHOOD OF ME AND HER GOING TO THE 7/11 TO BUY SLURPEES AND PENNY CANDY. THEN SHE REMEMBERED MY LOVE AND TALENTS FOR ART. THIS TRULY AWAKENED MY HEART AND INSPIRED ME. I WANT HER TO KNOW, AND ALL OF MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS, THAT, YES, I'VE ALWAYS REMEMBERED YOUR BIRTHDAYS. I WOULD LOVE TO SEND A CARD OR AN EMAIL. THIS IS UP TO YOU. THE BEST PART: SHE KNEW IT WAS FROM HER AUNT JODY, BECAUSE IT WAS SIGNED, YOUR FAVORITE AUNT.

GRATITUDE

#1. GREAT HEALTH, EXCELLENT DOCTOR VISIT
#2. HAVING AN HONEST, COMPETENT INTERNIST WHO IS NOT A DRUG PUSHER
#3. LEAVING THE DR. WITH NO ADDICTIVE MEDICATIONS, OR CRAZY THOUGHTS OF USING NEW MEDICATIONS THAT ONE DOES NOT NEED
#4. BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN LIFE
#5. FREEDOM
#6. MY KIDS ( DOG/CATS)
#7. U.S. MAIL LETTERS FROM DEAR PEOPLE
#8. WONDERFUL FRIENDS
#9. MY GREAT ABILITY TO INTERACT WITH A WIDE ARRAY OF PEOPLE
#10. THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MYSELF TODAY AT STAYING THE COURSE, PRACTICING PATIENCE, TOLERANCE AND LOVE, AND ENJOYING THE COUNTLESS BLESSINGS THAT CONTINUE TO SURROUND MY WORLD

FORGIVENESS

IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE IT WILL ALL BE OVER. THAT IS WHAT MY MOTHER SAID TO ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN GROWING UP. I AM REALIZING JUST HOW VERY TRUE THAT STATEMENT IS NOW, WITH EACH PASSING YEAR. AS THE LATE SEN. KENNEDY WAS LAID TO REST A FEW WEEKS PAST, I WAS REMINDED OF JUST HOW IMPORTANT ONE PERSON'S LIFE AND WORKS CAN BE. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE LEGACY. IT IS NOT A QUESTION THAT WE ALL IN FACT DO MAKE MISTAKES, AND IN OUR YOUTH SOME GRAVER AND CRAZIER THAN OTHERS. WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, MY MOTHER WAS VERY ENTHRALLED WITH THE MAGIC OF THE KENNEDYS. I BELIEVED THAT THEY REPRESENTED TO HER HOPE, AND THAT WE COULD ALL ACHIEVE OUR GOALS IF WE WORKED HARD. THROUGH THIS SHE ALSO INSTILLED IN ME THE DESIRE TO ALWAYS WANT TO CHAMPION THE RIGHTS OF THE UNDERDOG. MY MOTHER'S POLITICAL VIEWS WERE NEVER, EVER, IN QUESTION. EVERYONE ALWAYS KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HER PLATFORM WAS. IN FACT, UPON MEETING MY HUSBAND "MARK" FOR THE FIRST TIME, RATHER THAN SAYING," HELLO," OR "HOW ARE YOU?" SHE ASKED HIM,"MARK, WHAT PARTY ARE YOU WITH?" I WILL NEVER FORGET HIS VERY QUICK AND WITTY RESPONSE. "WHY, LOIS, I AM WITH THE FUN PARTY!" NEEDLESS TO SAY EVEN MY DEAR MOM THOUGHT THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD ONE, ALTHOUGH SHE STILL WANTED TO KNOW THE ANSWER. THANK HEAVEN FOR US BOTH THAT IT WAS THE CORRECT ANSWER. AT THE TIME SEN. KENNEDY WAS MAKING HIS TOUGH CHOICES AND PERHAPS POOR JUDGEMENTS, I WAS STILL VERY YOUNG. I DO NOT RECALL THESE TIMES BEING MENTIONED. IT WAS, AFTER ALL, A TURBULENT TIME IN OUR HOME AS WELL. OUR DEAR FATHER, MY MOTHER'S SOUL MATE, HAD PASSED AWAY SUDDENLY. THEREFORE, THE MISFORTUNES OF SEN. KENNEDY'S LIFE AT THAT TIME, I DO NOT RECALL HEARING MUCH OF. I DO RECALL THE ASSASSINATION OF BOBBY QUITE VIVIDLY, AND, AS I RECALL, IT SEEMED TO BREAK MY MOTHER'S HEART. I WAS ALSO TOO YOUNG TO RECALL THE PRESIDENT'S ASSASSINATION. HOWEVER,MY SISTERS HAVE SHARED THEIR STORIES OF HOW TRAGIC IT WAS FOR THEM AND MY MOTHER. LATER ON THE ONE THING THAT I DO KNOW IS THAT MY MOTHER DID HAVE A GREAT RESPECT FOR THE KENNEDYS, ALL OF THEM. AS I LOOKED ON THE TELEVISION AT THE PROCESSIONAL FOR THE FUNERAL OF THE LATE TED KENNEDY, I WAS DEEPLY MOVED. I WAS VERY PROUD TO HAVE BEEN THE DAUGHTER OF A WOMAN WHO FELT SO STRONGLY ABOUT HER POLITICS. I WAS QUITE PROUD TO SEE THE MANY AMAZINGACCOMPLISHMENTS THAT MR. KENNEDY HAD ACHIEVED. I WAS VERY TOUCHED BY THE VOICES OF HIS CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN. FOR MYSELF THE MOST HUMBLING MOMENT IS THE FACT THAT WE CAN'T ALLOW ANY ONE MISTAKE TO DEFINE US. WE HAVE ALL MADE THEM, SOME NOT AS PUBLIC OR TRAGIC PERHAPS, MISTAKES JUST THE SAME. MY MOTHER BELIEVED IN FORGIVENESS. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE SHE TAUGHT ME TO BE FORGIVING. I WONDER ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT THIS COUNTRY WOULD HAVE MISSED OUT ON HAD TED KENNEDY'S FAMILY, FRIENDS, COMMUNITY CHOSEN NOT TO FORGIVE HIM. THE GREAT LESSON FOR MYSELF HERE IS THAT AS SPIRITUALLY MOTIVATED A MAN AS HE WAS, HE CERTAINLY MUST HAVE DONE A LOT OF TRUE, DEEP SOUL SEARCHING TO COME TO A PLACE WHERE HE COULD FORGIVE HIMSELF.
THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: FORGIVE YOURSELF!

COMFORT FOODS, MAGICAL MEMORIES

ANOTHER LABOR DAY, PLUS THE NICER TEMPERATURES, SEEM TO BID THE SUMMER OF 2009 FAREWELL. I LIKE THE SUMMER FOR THE MOST PART. HOWEVER, I LOVE THE FALL. SO AS I WAS CONTEMPLATING WHAT TO EAT A LITTLE WHILE AGO, IT DID NOT SURPRISE ME WHEN I HAD A RUSH OF WONDERFUL MEMORIES FALL OVER ME. I HAD LOOKED INTO MY FRIDGE TO SEE THE BEAUTIFUL ORANGE SOFT PEACHES I HAD JUST GOTTEN FROM A FRIEND. AS I PULLED THE PEACHES OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR, TO PEEL AND WASH THEM, MY HEART WAS TRANSFORMED INTO ANOTHER PLACE AND TIME, A VERY MAGICAL TIME... I WAS ABOUT FIVE OR MAYBE SIX YEARS OLD. IT WAS A COMFORTABLE, INDIAN SUMMER FALL EVENING. MY MOTHER HAD GIVEN ME MY BATH, AND TOLD ME THAT I COULD GO OUT ONTO THE PATIO WITH MY FATHER AND LISTEN TO THE BASEBALL GAME, WHILE SHE MADE US A SNACK. I WENT OUT AND CLIMBED UP ONTO MY GENTLE HERO'S LAP TO LISTEN TO THE GAME. MY FATHER LOVED THE GAME, AS OUR WHOLE FAMILY STILL DOES TO THIS DAY. I'LL NEVER FORGET HOW GREAT IT WAS TO HAVE MY DADDY TELL ME JUST WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE GAME, AND HE DID IT WITH SUCH PATIENCE AND LOVE. SOON MY MOM CAME OUT ONTO THE PATIO TO JOIN US. SHE HAD THREE BIG BOWLS OF FRAGRANT PEACHES, COVERED WITH CREAM, AND SPRINKLED WITH A GENEROUS AMOUNT OF SUGAR. WHAT A DELICIOUS TREAT! THE PEACHES WERE AMAZING, BUT BEING ON THAT PATIO WITH THE TWO GREATEST PEOPLE I WILL EVER KNOW, ENJOYING A SIMPLE TIME, STILL BRINGS A TEAR TO MY EYES TODAY. IT IS IN FACT THESE LITTLE, SIMPLE MOMENTS THAT CAN AND WILL IMPACT A CHILD'S HEART FOREVER. I LOVE PEACHES, FOR WITH PEACHES COME WONDERFUL MEMORIES I LOVE TO SHARE. WE ALL HAVE COMFORT FOOD, SMELLS, MUSIC, AND EVEN SEASONS. POST A COMMENT AND SHARE ONE OF YOURS...
LOVE,
JODYJOY

FIRST GRATITUDE

DAILY
#1. MY BEGINNINGS, PARENTS (THE BEST)
#2. RECOVERY
#3. THE ABILITY TO BLOG! I LOVE IT!
#4. GOOD FRIENDS
#5. THE COMFORT OF LIVING AN OPEN AND HONEST LIFE.
#6. THE SIMPLE JOYS IN LIFE, RUNNING- POND SOUNDS, KITTEN PLAYING, FRIENDS' BIRTHDAY WISHES, E-MAIL TO MY BROTHER AND SISTER -IN- LAW
#7. HAVING COURAGE TODAY
#8. BEING HUMBLED AND NEVER FORGETTING WHERE I'VE BEEN
#9. HAVING A COMPUTER, AND LEARNING MORE AND MORE HOW TO USE IT CORRECTLY.
#10. BEING FREE ENOUGH ON THE INSIDE TO BE ABLE TO TAKE MY DOG TO A DOG PARADE TODAY. WHAT A GIFT!

DAILY GRATITUDE LIST

BEING IN RECOVERY, AT LEAST FOR MYSELF, IS A DAY -TO -DAY PROCESS. AT SOME TIMES IT IS EVEN A MOMENT-BY -MOMENT PROCESS. I WAS REMINDED THIS MORNING, ON A MORNING NEWS PROGRAM, BY SOME CHILDREN WHO ARE SURVIVORS OF CANCER, OF ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I EVER LEARNED TO DO IN RECOVERY. THAT IS, TO KEEP A DAILY JOURNAL OF GRATITUDE. MY VERY FIRST SPONSOR, "KAREN", INSISTED THAT WE WRITE EACH NIGHT OF AT LEAST 10 THINGS THAT WE WERE GRATEFUL FOR THAT DAY. THIS SEEMS LIKE AN EASY REQUEST AT FIRST, OR AT LEAST IT DID TO ME. HOWEVER, NEW IN RECOVERY, SOMETIMES IT SEEMS THAT I WAS AT A TRUE LOSS TO FIND EVEN THE SIMPLEST THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR. I AM CERTAIN THAT THIS, AT LEAST FOR MYSELF, IS THAT I WAS SO- SELF CENTERED, AND SELF- SEEKING THAT I WAS UNGRATEFUL , UNMOVED, AND PRETTY MUCH MORALLY AND SPIRITUALLY BANKRUPT AT THAT TIME. EVEN THOUGH THIS PRACTICE WAS RATHER DIFFICULT AT FIRST, IT IS ONE OF THINGS THAT I HAVE CONTINUED TO DO IN MY LIFE SINCE BEING TOLD DO TO SO, MANY YEARS AGO, SOME, TWENTY OR BETTER. IT IS A PRACTICE THAT EVEN IN TIMES OF RELAPSE, DESPERATION, INCARCERATION, I HAVE FAITHFULLY CONTINUED. I LOVE THIS VERY SIMPLE MESSAGE . IT HAS DONE SO MANY THINGS FOR MY CHARACTER AND MY CONTINUED JOURNEY. IT HAS REMINDED ME TO STAY HUMBLED, AND TO ALWAYS REMEMBER WHERE I HAVE BEEN, WHILE KEEPING MY HEART ON THE GOAL. IN SOME WAYS IT SHOWS ME HOW FAR I'VE COME AT TIMES AND IT ALWAYS REMINDS ME OF THE MANY MILES YET TO TRAVEL. SO, I HAVE MADE A DECISION THAT IT IS IMPERATIVE TO POST A DAILY GRATITUDE LIST ON MY BLOG. I WOULD GREATLY ENCOURAGE ANYONE OUT THERE TO ALSO DO THIS SMALL AND AMAZINGLY MOVING STEP, AS IT IS VERY POWERFUL. IT WILL HELP YOU IN TIMES OF STRESS, TURMOIL, DOUBTING, AND IT IS SO SIMPLE. IT REQUIRES SUCH LITTLE TIME, FOR SUCH AMAZING RESULTS. JUST TEN THINGS EACH DAY. THEY CAN BE AS SIMPLE AS, I WOKE UP TODAY, WHICH IS BETTER THAN THE ALTERNATIVE, RIGHT? ANYWAY, I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO DO THIS FOR YOU, FOR YOUR LIFE. IT WILL EMPOWER YOU, GOOD LUCK, JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(NO SPECIFIC ORDER)
#1. FREEDOM
#2. FAMILY, FRIENDS
#3. MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY, PETS
#4. RECOVERY
#5. LOVING LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS
#6. MY INCREDIBLE GREEN THUMB, ALL MY TALENTS (I RECOGNIZE THEM TODAY)
#7. THE TRUST I'VE EARNED FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE IMPORTANT
#8. THE CHOICES I CONTINUE TO MAKE
#9. WHERE I'VE BEEN, JAILS, INSTITUTIONS, PRISONS, FREEDOM!
#10. LEARNING, TO BETTER MANAGE MONEY

MY BIG BROTHER

I WAS SO EXCITED TO HAVE THE HONOR OF LEARNING THE GAME OF BASEBALL FROM ONE OF THE GREATEST TEACHERS, MY BIG BROTHER. HE KNEW THE GAME AND I SIMPLY WAS A STUDENT. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN TO SPEND SUCH GREAT TIME WITH HIM AND HIS BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, MY NIECES. HE WAS A SUPERB SHORTSTOP PLAYER, AND HE ALSO WAS A WONDERFUL COACH. HE TAUGHT ME MANY, MANY THINGS ABOUT BASEBALL THOSE COUPLE OF SUMMERS; BUT HE TAUGHT ME SO MUCH MORE ABOUT MYSELF AND THE HERO OF A MAN THAT HE IS. I WAS TEN YEARS HIS JUNIOR GROWING UP; AND I'M SURE THAT THAT IN ITSELF COULDN'T HAVE BEEN EASY. I ALWAYS HAD ADMIRED HIM, AND HIS QUIET SOFT- SPOKEN WAY. I JUST DON'T THINK THAT ON A GROWNUP LEVEL WE HAD BECOME ACQUAINTED. HOWEVER, THOSE PRACTICES, GAMES, WINS, LOSSES, AND LAUGHTER WE ALL SHARED THAT SUMMER SOMEHOW MADE US A TEAM. I WAS SO PROUD OF HIM AND THE WAY THAT HE COULD TEACH THESE YOUNG GIRLS. HE INSPIRED COURAGE IN THEM, AND IN ME. HE MADE ME FEEL A PART OF SOMETHING TRULY SPECIAL. I KNEW AT THE TIME THAT THOSE GAMES, PRACTICES, ETC. , WOULD BE SOME OF THE GREATEST TIMES OF MY LIFE. UP UNTIL YESTERDAY I DON'T THINK I REALIZED JUST HOW VERY MUCH IT IMPACTED MY LIFE. AS I WATCHED THOSE KIDS LOVE AND PLAY WITH ALL THEIR HEARTS A GAME THAT BROUGHT ME SO MUCH HAPPINESS AT A EARLIER TIME, I KNEW THAT I NEEDED TO ACKNOWLEDGE ONE OF MY YOUNGER GUARDIAN ANGELS, MY BIG BROTHER. IT WAS A LONG ROAD BACK TO HAVE HIM BACK IN MY LIFE, AND IT HAS MADE THE JOURNEY WELL WORTH THE FIGHT, AND IT ALSO REAFFIRMS TO ME THAT I KNOW THAT I AM ONCE AGAIN ON THE RIGHT PATH..

THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE....

I TALK A LOT ABOUT THE GUARDIAN ANGELS IN MY LIFE, AS OF RECENTLY, AS IF THERE WERE NONE PRIOR. THAT IN ITSELF IS QUITE UNTRUE. FOR I AM VERY VERY, LUCKY. I HAVE HAD THEM MY WHOLE LIFE, ALL AROUND ME. THEY WERE THERE FOR ME FROM THE BEGINNING AND YET I MENTION THE CURRENT ONES AS IF I HAD NONE PRIOR. YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES YOU JUST KNOW THAT WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE AT ONE MOMENT WILL FOREVER BE ONE OF THE GREATEST TIMES IN YOUR LIFE? SO THIS HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF MY FIRST ANGELS, ONE THAT IS STILL A GUIDE AND INSPIRATION TO ME TODAY. HE ALSO HAPPENS TO BE MY BIG BROTHER. YESTERDAY, BEING LAZY DUE TO THE HEAT OF THE LATE CALIFORNIA SUMMER, I HAPPENED TO TURN ON TELEVISION TO THE LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES. ALMOST INSTANTLY I WAS TAKEN BACK TO ONE OF THE GREATEST TIMES IN MY LIFE, THE YEARS I WAS PRIVILEGED ENOUGH TO ASSIST MY BIG BROTHER WITH HIS COACHING HIS DAUGHTERS IN THEIR LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL DREAMS.

GUARDIAN ANGEL IN DISGUISE

WHEN I AWOKE IN COUNTY JAIL AND REALIZED THAT I WAS INDEED MOST LIKELY RETURNING TO PRISON FOR THE SECOND TIME, I WAS DEVASTATED. TO SAY THAT IS PUTTING IT VERY MILDLY. FOR I ALSO KNEW THAT MY FAMILY, FRIENDS AND ANYONE THAT I HAD GAINED TRUST WITH WERE INDEED OUT OF MY LIFE. FRANKLY, I KNEW ALSO THAT I HAD NO ONE ELSE TO BLAME EXCEPT MYSELF. MY SISTER HAD INFORMED ME THAT SHE WAS DONE, THAT IF I BEGAN TO MAKE POOR CHOICES AGAIN SHE JUST COULDN'T CONTINUE TO BE A PART OF MY LIFE. SO, I KNEW, AND HONESTLY I COULDN'T BLAME HER. THIS WAS DEVASTATING AND HEART- WRENCHING. I FELT THAT I WAS ALL ALONE, WHICH I WAS, AND THAT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY LOVE COMING, FROM ANY SOURCE. I KNEW THAT THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO DO THE TIME, WAS WITH SOMEONE ON THE OUTSIDE. I NEEDED A PEN PAL. I SEARCHED MY HEART AND I KNEW THAT I AND I ALONE HAD BURNT ALMOST ALL BRIDGES TO ANY ONE THAT WOULD BE A DECENT PEN PAL. HOWEVER, ONE MORNING I AWOKE, THOUGHT OF A PERSON WHOM I HAD KNOW FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS, WHO WAS A KIND AND VERY ARTICULATE MAN. I COULD EVEN RECALL HIS ADDRESS. THAT IN ITSELF WAS A HUGE BONUS. SO I PROCEEDED TO WRITE HIM A BRIEF LETTER. I EXPLAINED THAT I HAD REALLY MESSED UP, AND THAT I REALLY, DESPERATELY NEEDED, AND WANTED A GOOD PEN PAL. IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE HE RESPONDED. I WAS OVERJOYED THAT HE WOULD EVEN RESPOND. THE LETTER, HOWEVER, WAS NOT ALL THAT ENCOURAGING. YOU SEE, HE WAS A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC, 77, AND HE SAID THAT HE FELT THAT THESE THINGS NEVER SEEMED TO WORK OUT. HE GAVE ME A LITTLE GLIMMER OF HOPE THOUGH WHEN HE TOLD ME THAT IF I WROTE TO HIM WHEN I GOT TO WHERE I WAS GOING, HE WOULD MAKE A DECISION THEN. LONG STORY SHORT: ONCE I GOT TO LIVE OAK PRISON IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA, I WROTE IMMEDIATELY. IT WAS ONLY A COUPLE OF DAYS UNTIL I GOT A MUCH ANTICIPATED, WONDERFUL LETTER. HE ALSO EXPLAINED THAT HE WOULD BE WILLING TO CORRESPOND WITH ME. HOWEVER, HE ASKED THAT I PLEASE NOT ASK HIM FOR THINGS. WELL, THAT WORKED GREAT FOR ME, AS I TRULY JUST WANTED A GOOD PEN PAL, WHO WOULD WRITE. I NEVER ASKED HIM FOR ANYTHING. HOWEVER, MY DEAR STEPHEN NOT ONLY WROTE TO ME AT LEAST TWO OR THREE TIMES A WEEK, HE ALWAYS SENT ME POSTAGE STAMPS, PICTURES, AND GREAT JOKES THAT TRULY SAVED MY SPIRIT IN SUCH A HELLISH PLACE. STEPHEN AND I ARE DEAR, DEAR, DEAR FRIENDS; AND I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. HE TOUCHED MY HEART AT ONE OF THE HARDEST TIMES AND TRULY SOFTENED IT. HE MADE ME BELIEVE IN ME AGAIN, AND I COULDN'T AND WOULD NOT HAVE EVER STARTED THIS BLOG WITHOUT HIS ENCOURAGEMENT, SUPPORT, AND LOVE. THANK YOU, STEPHEN T. , FOR LOVING ME, WHEN I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE MYSELF. YOU ARE FOR CERTAIN ONE OF THE FIRST GUARDIAN ANGELS THAT CAME INTO MY LIFE.

MY FIRST GUARDIAN ANGEL: PEGGY JO

WHILE DOING MY TIME IN LIVE OAK PRISON I WAS GRANTED A VERY SPECIAL AND UNIQUE ANGEL. HER NAME IS PEGGY JO. I WAS GETTING READY TO PAROLE AND I SOON REALIZED THAT I HAD NOWHERE TO GO, AND NO SOLID SUPPORT SYSTEM. TO SAY THE LEAST, I WAS TRAUMATIZED. I HAD MADE UP MY MIND NOT TO REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKES OF MY PAST OR MAKE THE POOR CHOICES I HAD MADE. HOWEVER, I KNEW THAT WITHOUT A GOOD SOLID SUPPORT SYSTEM, OTHER THAN A 12- STEP PROGRAM, AND A MIND- SET IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFICULT. SO I BEGAN TO WRITE TO EVERY ORGANIZATION, CHURCH, PROGRAM, AND EVEN PAROLE TO ASK FOR ANY ADVICE OR ASSISTANCE. I EVEN INCLUDED IN EACH LETTER A RETURN SELF-ADDRESSED, STAMPED ENVELOPE, JUST TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR THEM TO RESPOND. WELL, WEEK AFTER ANXIOUS WEEK I WAITED, WITH NO RESPONSE. MY SISTER, LINDA LEE, THE FRIEND WHOM I HAD MET AND CHOSE TO CALL ME SISTER, KEPT REASSURING ME. HOWEVER, I STILL SEEMED TO GET NO RESPONSE. I WAS QUICKLY LOSING FAITH. I KNEW THE PATH I WANTED TO BE ON, ONE OF SOBRIETY, INTEGRITY, AND DOING THE RIGHT THINGS. HOWEVER, I WAS FRIGHTENED. I KNEW HOW HARD IT WAS WITHOUT A SOLID SUPPORT SYSTEM. IT WOULD BE EASY TO FALL BACK INTO OLD BEHAVIORS AND PATTERNS, BECAUSE THEY WERE WHAT I KNEW. HOWEVER, I TRULY DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT. NO MATTER WHAT! ONE DAY OUT OF THE BLUE MY SISTER LINDA LEE CAME TO ME. SHE JUST SMILED, AND WITH A TEAR IN HER EYE TOLD ME THAT ALL WOULD BE OK. I ASKED HER HOW? SHE JUST SAID, "PLEASE, HAVE FAITH IN WHAT I AM SAYING AND YOU WILL SEE." IT WAS A HARD REQUEST FOR ME. I WANTED TO KNOW THE PLAN, EVEN THOUGH I'VE HEARD IT SAID, "EVERY TIME YOU PLAN FOR SOMETHING, YOUR CREATOR JUST SITS BACK AND LAUGHS." I STILL HAD TO TRUST HER, AS I SIMPLY HAD NO OTHER CHOICE. I ALSO KNEW THAT I HAD COME THIS FAR AND THAT BECAUSE OF THAT MY GOD WASN'T GOING TO LET ME DOWN, ALTHOUGH I WASN'T CLEAR ON JUST WHAT HE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE PLANNED. A LADY AT THE PRISON INTRODUCED ME TO A PEN PAL. HER NAME WAS PEGGY JO. SHE LIVED CLOSE TO THE PRISON, SHE HAD NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN DRUGS OR ALCOHOL, WAS A WONDERFUL, KIND AND GOOD LADY. PERHAPS SHE COULD HELP ME, OR AT LEAST PICK ME UP, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO GET ME TO PAROLE. THAT IS THE VERY FIRST THING THAT IS REQUIRED OF YOU WHEN YOU GET OUT OF PRISON. YOU MUST GO AND REPORT TO YOUR AGENT, MAKE CONTACT, AND GIVE THEM AN ADDRESS WHERE YOU CAN BE FOUND, AND ALSO TEST. SO, VERY SOON I WAS GIVEN THIS LADY'S ADDRESS. I WROTE HER RIGHT AWAY. SHE RESPONDED RIGHT AWAY. THANK THE GODS! WE GOT ACQUAINTED AND SHE LEARNED OF THE ISSUES I WAS FACING UPON MY RELEASE. I EXPLAINED TO HER THAT I WAS NOT EXPECTING HER TO TAKE
ON ANY TYPE OF FINANCIAL BURDEN FOR ME, OR IN ANY WAY PUT HERSELF OUT. THE ONE THING I HAD LEARNED, OR WAS LEARNING, WAS NOT TO BE SO SELF- CENTERED, OR MANIPULATIVE. IT WAS A PROCESS. HOWEVER, I WAS COMMITTED TO IT NOT BECOMING A WAY OF LIFE FOR ME. WELL, PEGGY JO WAS VERY KIND AND GRACIOUS ENOUGH TO SEND ME SOME CLOTHES TO BE ABLE TO PAROLE IN. I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD REIMBURSE HER WITH THE $200.00 GATE MONIES I WOULD RECEIVE. SHE ALSO AGREED TO PICK ME UP ON THE BIG DAY AND DRIVE ME TO CHICO, WHICH WAS A GOOD 25 MILES AWAY. I HAD ALSO COMMITTED TO PAYING FOR HER GAS, WHICH I'M SURE WAS A LOT. WELL, THE MOST WELCOME SIGHT I EVER SAW WAS THAT OF MY NEW GUARDIAN ANGEL ON THE BIG DAY, AS SHE CAME UP TO THE GATE TO PICK ME UP. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT PEGGY JO HAS BECOME ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS TO DATE. I LOVE HER SO VERY MUCH. I KNOW THAT SHE IS ONE OF MY STRONGEST SUPPORTS, AND SHE DOESN'T LET ME GET AWAY WITH ANY OF MY BULLSHIT. I LOVE HER. SHE HAS BEEN ONE OF THE GUIDING FORCES IN MY LIFE. I SIMPLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD EVER DO WITH OUT HER. WHEN LINDA LEE TOLD ME I HAD MANY, MANY BLESSINGS, BLESSINGS BEYOND MY WILDEST IMAGINATION, I WOULD NEVER HAVE DREAMED THAT I WOULD HAVE SUCH A DEAR BLESSING OF A FRIEND AS PEGGY JO.

SPIRITUALITY

YESTERDAY A WOMAN SAID TO ME, " YOU ALWAYS CLAIM TO BE SUCH A CHRISTIAN LADY." NOW, I FOUND THAT TO BE VERY UPSETTING, BECAUSE I AM WHAT I BELIEVE TO BE A SPIRITUAL PERSON. YES, I DO BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST, THE FATHER, AND I ALSO THINK THAT MY SPIRITUALITY COMES FROM MANY OTHER PLACES. I LOVE THE BEAUTY OF NATURE AND WHEN I AM DIGGING IN THE SOIL I FEEL VERY CLOSE TO MY CREATOR. FOR SOME, I THINK IT IS CALLED BUDDHA, OTHERS FATHER SKY, ALLAH, AND FOR SOME IT MAY EVEN BE AS SIMPLE AS THE BELIEF IN SOMETHING BIGGER THAN THEM. I THINK THAT THEY ARE ALL CORRECT, IN THEIR OWN RIGHT. I AM NOT A BIG STRONG SUPPORTER OF ANY TYPE OF ORGANIZED RELIGION, UNLESS THAT IS WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. I, HOWEVER, SIMPLY THINK THAT THE GOLDEN RULE IS KEY. I PERSONALLY HAVE NEVER LOST THE GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING, SO THE IDEA OF BEING "BORN AGAIN" IS A THOUGHT THAT IS LOST FOR ME. I DID MANY YEARS TRAPPED IN JAILS AND INSTITUTIONS, AS WELL AS MY OWN MIND, AND I MET MANY PEOPLE WHO SUDDENLY WOULD SEEM TO FIND A GOD OF THEIR UNDERSTANDING IN ONE OF THOSE PLACES. IT ALWAYS PUZZLED ME SOMEWHAT AS IT SEEMED THAT THEY WOULD ALWAYS LEAVE HIM THERE WHEN THEY LEFT. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT ORGANIZED RELIGION HAS CAUSED MANY TURBULENT TIMES IN THE HISTORY OF MAN. LOTS OF WARS , MONEY AND GREED SOMEHOW FOLLOW A LOT OF THESE ORGANIZATIONS. I LIKE IT BEST WHEN I JUST SIT BACK AND ASK MYSELF, "WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?" OR BUDDHA, OR MOTHER EARTH. AM I BEING HONEST, TRUE AND KIND? YES, INDEED, I LIKE WHAT MY MOTHER TOLD ME, "IT IS THE GOLDEN RULE: DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU."AS FOR THE WOMAN WHO MADE THE COMMENT ABOUT MY CLAIMS TO CHRISTIANITY, WELL , PERHAPS SHE NEEDS TO LOOK AT HER OWN TRUTH, AND DO WHAT HER CREATOR WOULD ASK OF HER..... JUDGE NOT!!!!!!

FIRKANDAL: THE 22- YEAR- OLD CAT

AS I WAS CHECKING OUT AT THE 99 CENT STORE, ON MY WAY TO PICK UP MY NEW DOG, THE CHECKER BEGAN TO CRY. WHAT IS THE MATTER? I ASKED HER. SHE EXPLAINED HER PLIGHT, OF LOSING HER HOME, HER IMPENDING DIVORCE AFTER 20- ODD YEARS AND THAT THE TWO CATS SHE CHERISHED WERE CURRENTLY RESIDING IN HER CAR. MY FRIEND SPOKE UP AND TOLD HER THAT IF SHE GAVE US HER TELEPHONE NUMBER, JODY,WOULD HELP. WELL,THAT WAS TRUE, AS I AM A VERY AVID ANIMAL LOVER AND I COULD SEE THAT THIS WAS A GOOD WOMAN WHO NEEDED ME. NOW, I HAD ONLY BEEN OUT OF PRISON FOR ABOUT 7 MONTHS AT THIS POINT AND I WAS RELUCTANT, BUT I WANTED TO HELP IF I COULD. SO, ABOUT 4 DAYS LATER I CALLED THE LADY. HER NAME IS BONNIE. WE SPOKE, AND AFTER SOME TIME I REALIZED, THAT THIS TO WAS INDEED A SIGN. I COULD GIVE BACK IN A SMALL WAY, BY PERHAPS HELPING THIS DEAR LADY AND HER 22- YEAR -OLD CAT .
SHE WAS SO HEARTBROKEN BY HER CIRCUMSTANCES, AND I HOPED THAT I COULD BECOME ONE THING FOR HER TO CLING TO. THREE DAYS LATER I EXPLAINED HOW TO GET TO MY APARTMENT, AND HER AND HER GROWN DAUGHTER, FROM OUT OF TOWN, BROUGHT THE CAT TO MY HOME. I COULD SEE THAT THEY WERE SO TORN UP BY THIS, AND JUST HOW VERY MUCH THEY LOVED THIS CAT. THEY SAID THAT SHE HAD BEEN IN THEIR FAMILY SINCE SHE WAS ABOUT 6 WEEKS OLD. SO I SHOWED THEM MY APT. WE CHATTED, THEY SAW HOW VERY MUCH I LOVED MY NEW LITTLE DOG, AND WITH THAT THEY BEGAN TO SAY THEIR GOODBYES TO THEIR BELOVED CAT. THEY EXPLAINED TO ME THAT MZ. FIRKITS AS SHE WAS AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN, WAS QUITE THE RULER, AND BOSS OF THE HOUSEHOLD. IT WAS PRETTY MUCH HER WAY OR NO WAY. THEY ASKED ME IF IT WAS O.K. IF THEY COULD VISIT ON OCCASION, WHICH I AGREED TO RIGHT AWAY. THIS WAS A LADY THAT I THOUGHT I COULD BECOME FRIENDS WITH. SHE SEEMED TO BE A VERY GOOD PERSON AND I LIKED HER AND HER DAUGHTER. I WAS WALKING THEM TO THEIR CAR WHEN I SUDDENLY STOPPED. I TOLD THEM I HAD SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL THEM. I EXPLAINED THAT I WAS ON PAROLE AND THAT I STILL HAD WELL OVER A YEAR TO GO ON MY PAROLE, BEFORE , HOPEFULLY, DISCHARGING. I ALSO EXPLAINED THAT I HAD INDEED BEEN CLEAN AND THAT I WAS WORKING DILIGENTLY ON BECOMING A BETTER WOMAN. I TOLD THEM THAT I HAD SEVERAL BACKUPS, FOR MY PETS IN AN EMERGENCY. HOWEVER, I WANTED THEM TO UNDERSTAND WHERE I WAS COMING FROM. IT TOOK ME BY COMPLETE SURPRISE WHEN MY NEW- FOUND FRIEND TURNED TO ME AND JUST SAID "YOU ARE OUR CAT ANGEL. ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU ARE GOING TO DO JUST GREAT. I CAN TELL." WHAT A VERY FLATTERING COMMENT, AND ONE I DID NOT DESERVE AT THAT POINT, AND SO I TOLD HER YOU CAN CALL ME YOUR CAT ANGEL AFTER I AM OFF PAROLE AND FIRKITS IS DOING GREAT...

THE DREADED YEAR IN PRISON WENT BY RELATIVELY QUICKLY AND IT WAS VERY SOON THAT I WAS CONTEMPLATING MY PAROLE DATE. I SOON REALIZED THAT I HAD NOWHERE TO GO, NO SUPPORT SYSTEM , NO KIND OF EMOTIONAL OR FINANCIAL MEANS. I HAD ACQUIRED A WONDERFUL PEN PAL THROUGH A WONDERFUL WOMAN WHO WORKED AT THE PRISON. HOWEVER, I FELT I SIMPLY COULD NOT ASK HER FOR ALL THAT I NEEDED. SHE DID, HOWEVER, AGREE TO PICK ME UP ON THE DAY THAT I WOULD PAROLE AND TAKE ME TO ALL OF THE NECESSARY PLACES I NEEDED TO GO TO COMPLY WITH PAROLE. SHE ALSO AGREED TO SEND ME A PAROLE BOX OF CLOTHES THAT I COULD WEAR OUT OF THE PRISON. THEY GIVE YOU WHAT IS CALLED GATE MONEY . HOWEVER, IT IS ONLY $200.00 AND IT DOESN'T GO REAL FAR WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING . WHILE IN PRISON I HAD ALSO BEFRIENDED A WONDERFUL WOMAN NAMED LINDA LEE. SHE WOULD ALWAYS REFER TO ME AS HER SISTER . I FOUND HER TO BE A WONDERFUL AND KIND PERSON AND SOMEONE WHO LIVED VERY CLOSE TO WHERE I WOULD BE PAROLING, NOT TO MENTION THAT SHE WAS MY SAME AGE AND WAS ALSO QUITE DETERMINED TO TURN HER LIFE AROUND. WE WERE BOTH SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED . MY LINDA SEEMED TO BE ABLE TO SEE THE CHANGES IN ME. SHE SAW ME DROP THE SELF- CENTERED ATTITUDES AND ADDICTIVE TRAITS AND OPENED MY HEART TO BEING UNSELFISH, KIND, FORGIVING, AND LETTING MY SOUL SURRENDER TO A GREATER GOOD OUTSIDE OF MYSELF, ONE THAT COULD AND WOULD RESTORE ME TO SANITY . WHENEVER I WAS TROUBLED OR WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO , LINDA WOULD REASSURE ME. "JODY, YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO BLESSED IF YOU JUST STAY FOCUSED AND BELIEVE." LITTLE DID I KNOW JUST HOW POWERFUL AND FAR THOSE WORDS WOULD GO TO GUIDING ME ON MY JOURNEY . THE GREAT DAY ARRIVED, MAY14, AND I WALKED OUT OF LIVE OAK PRISON A FREE WOMAN . MY NEW FRIEND WAS THERE TO GREET ME, PEGGY JO, AND WHAT A WONDERFUL SIGHT SHE WAS . SHE WAS WONDERFUL . SHE NOT ONLY TOOK ME TO ALL THE PLACES I NEEDED TO GO, SHE ALSO ASSISTED ME WITH GETTING THE NECESSARY HYGIENE GOODS I WOULD NEED TO SURVIVE . PEGGY JO WAS JUST ONE OF THE MANY GUARDIAN ANGELS I WOULD BE PROVIDED ON MY NEW JOURNEY. IT WASN'T AN EASY FIRST FEW MONTHS. HOWEVER, I KEPT IT TOGETHER DESPITE A COUPLE OF MINOR SETBACKS . I ALWAYS TESTED CLEAN FOR PAROLE ,MADE IT TO ALL MY MEETINGS , AND LISTENED TO ADVICE AND SUGGESTIONS FROM ANYONE KIND ENOUGH TO OFFER IT. WITHIN ABOUT 5 MONTHS I HAD FOUND AN APT. THAT I LOVED , AND THE LANDLORD WAS WILLING TO LET ME CLEAN IT FOR MY DEPOSIT . I COULD EVEN BUILD AN AMAZING GARDEN, HAVE PETS, AND ENJOY MY LIFE IN A NICE, CLEAN, SAFE PLACE . IT WAS IN THE FALL THAT MY DEAR FRIEND AND VERY STRONG SUPPORTER PEGGY JO CALLED. "HEY,I'D LIKE TO COME UP FOR THE WEEKEND. I HAVE A SURPRISE TO SHOW YOU." SHE HAD JUST GOTTEN HERSELF A NEW DOG. I WAS THRILLED! FIRST, I ADORE DOGS; AND, SECOND, I WANTED THE COMPANY. IT WAS A WONDERFUL VISIT, AND I SO ENJOYED HER NEW DOG, BAILEY BOO, A 15 LB. RAT TERRIER. HE WAS SO GREAT! VERY SMART AND TRAINED, NOT VERY BIG. IT WAS THEN THAT I THOUGHT I WANTED A DOG. I DID NOT JUMP INTO THIS DECISION LITELY AS I WAS STILL ON PAROLE. YES, I WAS CLEAN. I TALKED TO A COUPLE OF PEOPLE JUST FOR BACK- UP. I WASN'T EXACTLY A WEALTHY WOMAN, AND I WANTED TO BE A RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER. I ALSO REALIZED THAT I WAS QUITE LONELY, AND THAT I NEEDED TO FOCUS ON SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF. WELL, MY DEAR FRIEND PEGGY WAS RIGHT ON IT, AND IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE SHE LOCATED A FEMALE RAT TERRIER THAT WAS UP FOR ADOPTION. THIS WAS JUST A COUPLE WEEKS AFTER THANKSGIVING AND SO I CALLED THE LADY . WELL , IT ALMOST SEEMED FROM THE PHONE CALL THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GET RID OF THE DOG. SHE SIMPLY DID NOT HAVE A KIND THING TO SAY ABOUT IT. SHE TOLD ME THAT THE DOG DESPITE ALL THEIR BEST EFFORTS COULD NOT BE HOUSE- BROKEN, THAT THEY HAD RESCUED HER FROM THE POUND AND THAT THEY HAD BEEN TOLD OF VERY ABUSIVE HOMES. THE DOG WAS VERY TIMID AND SHY AND SHE COULD NOT BE LEASH-TRAINED . I'M NOT SURE WHY BUT FOR SOME REASON I JUST KNEW THAT THIS WAS INDEED GOING TO BE MY DOG, THAT TOGETHER WE COULD AND WOULD SHOW THE WORLD THAT THE UNDERDOGS, EVEN THE LOST ONES, COULD COME BACK, BETTER THAN EVER . SO, 2 WEEKS LATER PEGGY JO CAME TO CHICO TO TAKE ME TO OROVILLE, WHICH IS ABOUT 17 MILES FROM HERE, TO PICK HER UP. AS WE DROVE OUT OF TOWN WE STOPPED AT THE 99 CENT STORE. I WANTED TO BE ALL PREPARED. THE DAY WAS VERY COLD OUTSIDE AND WINDY AND RAINY. WE WENT INTO THE STORE AND CHECKED OUT THE PET AISLE. I TOOK MY PURCHASES TO THE CHECKOUT. AS I REACHED THE CLERK SHE GLANCED AT MY THINGS AND SAID, "YOU MUST LOVE ANIMALS." SHE WAS CRYING. WELL, YES, YES, I DO, I TOLD HER. WHAT IS THE MATTER? WELL, SHE TOLD US OF HER TERRIBLE PLIGHT. SHE HAD HER 2 CATS LIVING IN HER CAR BECAUSE HER AND HER HUSBAND HAD LOST THEIR HOME AND WERE DIVORCING. THE WORST PART WAS THAT THE OLDEST CAT WAS 22 YEARS OLD AND SHE WAS BESIDE HERSELF. MY FRIEND PEGGY JO SPEAKS UP, "GIVE US YOUR NUMBER. JODY WILL CALL YOU." YES, I GOT HER NUMBER, AND WE WERE ON OUR WAY TO OROVILLE. JUST PRIOR TO ARRIVING I TELEPHONED THE LADY TO CONFIRM HER ADDRESS, AND SHE TELLS ME THAT SHE ISN'T SURE OF GIVING THE DOG UP. I ASKED IF I COULD AT LEAST JUST COME AND MEET HER. WELL YES, I GUESS THAT WILL BE OK. I HAD SO MUCH EMOTION IN MY HEART AT THAT MOMENT. IT IS HARD TO EXPLAIN. WE ARRIVED, RANG THE DOORBELL. SHE OPENED THE DOOR. THROUGH THE HOUSE AND OUT THROUGH THE KITCHEN WE COULD SEE INTO THE YARD. THERE WAS THE SWEETEST FACE I HAD EVER SEEN, SHIVERING, STANDING IN THE POURING RAIN. NEXT TO A 80 LB SHEEP DOG WAS MY DOG. AS THE LADY OPENED THE DOOR THE LITTLE LOVE BUG RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE HOUSE AND JUMPED UP INTO MY ARMS. SHE KNEW! I WAS HER MOM , MASTER , BEST FRIEND . I LOOKED AT PEGGY WITH A TEAR IN MY EYE, AND SAID IT'S A SIGN. THE WOMAN ALSO KNEW THAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE, AND SOON WE WERE ALL BACK IN THE TRUCK ON THE ROAD BACK TO CHICO, MY HOME AND MY LITTLE DOG'S NEW HOME . ALL THE WAY I PETTED HER AND STROKED HER EARS AND TOLD HER SHE WAS SAFE NOW. NO ONE WAS EVER GOING TO HURT HER EVER AGAIN, AND I ALSO KNEW RIGHT THEN THAT I WOULD DISCHARGE MY PAROLE.
WE ARRIVED HOME. PEGGY INSISTED THAT WE GIVE HER A SUITABLE NAME THAT WOULD MATCH BAILEY'S, SO WE CAME UP WITH BRANDILYNN .
MY 12- LB. RAT TERRIER, COMPLETELY SPAYED, CLIPPED, AND-IMAGINE THAT -TOTALLY HOUSE- BROKEN. IT WAS IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS THAT THROUGH OUR BONDING MY BABY BRANDI CAME TO CONVEY A STORY TO ME. HER STORY. AN INCREDIBLE STORY, TO SAY THE LEAST, AND YET TOTALLY FEASIBLE.
BRANDILYNN, IT SEEMS, WAS JUST ABOUT TO BE BORN AND WAS PLAYING AROUND HEAVEN WHEN JESUS STOPPED HER. "WELL, MY DEAR LITTLE CREATURE, HAVE YOU CHOSEN YOUR MASTER FAMILY YET?" "YES, SHE HAPPILY REPLIED, I'D LIKE JODY JOY, THE BLUE- EYED ONE." "OH, DEAR CREATURE, UNFORTUNATELY THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE. MY DEAR DAUGHTER JODY HAS LOST HERE WAY AND MUST RETURN TO A HORRIBLE PLACE ON EARTH THEY CALL PRISON. SHE WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE FOR A WHILE." THE LITTLE CREATURE LOOKED VERY SAD AND THEN ASKED THE FATHER, IS THERE NO WAY FOR ME TO EVER GO TO HER, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HERS AND SHE WILL BE A LOVING AND KIND MASTER. THE FATHER SPOKE VERY QUIETLY AT FIRST, AND WITH A PAUSE HE TOLD HER, DEAR CREATURE, THERE IS ONE WAY THAT YOU COULD GO AND SOMEDAY BE WITH HER. YOU WOULD BE BORN AS PLANNED TOMORROW. HOWEVER, I JUST CANT PROMISE YOU A GOOD HOME AS I HAVE CHILDREN WHO ARE LOST, AND ARE MEAN AND CRUEL AND YOU MAY END UP THERE FIRST. I CAN GUARANTEE YOU, HOWEVER, THAT SOMEDAY JODY JOY WILL COME FOR YOU. IT TOOK BRANDILYNN ONLY A MINUTE WHEN SHE LOOKED DOWN INTO THE EYES OF THE BLUE-EYED ONE AND GAVE HER ANSWER. "DEAR GOD, I WILL GO. I WANT TO WAIT FOR JODY, AS LONG AS YOU PROMISE ME SHE WILL FIND ME."


P.S.I CALLED THE CLERK: I NOW HAVE A 25- YEAR- OLD HEALTHY, HAPPY CAT NAMED FIRKADANAL AND HER MOM AND DAD ARE REUNITED AND REFER TO ME AS THEIR CAT ANGEL.....THAT STORY AND MORE ON THE NEXT BLOG.

HITTING BOTTOM

THE INSTANT THAT THE POLICE SLAPPED THE HANDCUFFS ON, I KNEW. IT WAS MY BOTTOM. WAS IT RELIEF? YES! OR WAS IT JUST THAT NOW AFTER 14 MONTHES OF BEING OUT OF PRISON I WAS ON MY WAY BACK TO PRISON. AT FIRST I THINK THAT IT WAS SOME DENIAL. DIDN'T THEY REALIZE JUST HOW WELL I HAD BEEN DOING FOR ALL THIS TIME? JUST BECAUSE I WAS SCREWING UP THE PAST 6 WEEKS, DIDNT THAT FIRST PART COUNY FOR ANYTHING?
AWAKING THE NEXT MORNING ON THE ICE COLD SLAB OF A COUNTY JAIL CELL, I HAD MY ANSWER. I WAS MOST DESERVEDLEY EXACTLY RIGHT WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. THEN IT HIT ME. KINDA LIKE A BIG OL MACK TRUCK. BAM! THIS WAS IT, IT WAS MY BOTTOM. I KNEW THIS WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. MY FAMILY HAD TOLD ME THAT IF I MADE BAD CHOICES AGAIN, THEY WERE DONE. I CERTAINLY COULD NOT BLAME THEM AT ALL. I HAD PUT THEM THROUGH SO MUCH HURT AND HEARTACHE. FRIENDS, MY JOB, MY LANDLORD, ANYONE WHOM I HAD BUILT ANY KIND OF TRUST WITH, WAS GONE. EVERYONE NOW KNEW WHAT A LIAR AND DISRESPECTFUL PERSON I WAS. I WAS BROKEN, DEVASTATED, AND IT WAS ALL AT MY OWN HAND, FOR MY OWN SELFISH SELF -CENTERED SELF.
WELL, IT TOOK ME A FEW DAYS TO REALIZE IT BUT I KNEW THAT I HAD NOWHERE ELSE TO GO BUT UP. IT WOULD BE A LONG STRUGGLE. IT WAS MY ABSOULTE BOTTOM, AND MY TOTAL MOMENT OF CLARITY ALSO.
IT WAS DETERMINED THAT I WAS GOING BACK TO PRISON FOR A LITTLE OVER A YEAR, NOT ALL THAT LONG WHEN YOU THINK OF HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO END UP THIS WAY. IT HAD TAKEN ME 45 SELF-SERVING, USING, LYING YEARS. I NOW HAD ONLY A YEAR FOR REFLECTION, A JOURNEY OF DECIDING TO BECOME A BETTER WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE, HEART, INTEGRITY, SOBRIETY, AND THE WOMAN THAT I WAS MEANT TO BE.

WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU KNOW! HE SAID

I BELIEVE THAT I SHALL ENTITLE THIS PART OF MY JOURNEY THE BLOGPOT. IT IS UNIQUE, AND LONG TIME COMING. IT IS ONE IN WHICH I FEEL THAT I MUST FIRST ACKNOWLEDGE MY INSPIRATIONAL HEART OF HEARTS, MR. STEPHEN T. DAVIS,
FOR WITHOUT HIM AND HIS ENCOURAGEMENT, PATIENCE AND LOVE I WOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN TO TAKE THIS FIRST STEP. IT IS ALSO BECAUSE OF HIS BELIEF IN ME DESPITE ALL ODDS, AND LOVING ME EVEN WHEN I DID NOT LOVE MYSELF, THAT I AM EMPOWERED ENOUGH TO BEGIN.
I MUST ALSO MENTION THE WONDERFUL GIFT THAT HE SHARED WITH ME THIS PAST WEEKEND, HIS TWO BEAUTIFUL, MAGICAL, DELIGHTFUL AND VERY FUN DAUGHTERS. THEY SOMEHOW IN THEIR MAGICAL WAY GAVE TO ME A CREATIVE GENTLE PUSH THAT INSPIRED ME TO GO FOR IT.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE TO GET TO KNOW THEM. I HAD SUCH A WONDERFUL TIME WITH THEM, IT WAS ALMOST LIKE MY OWN SISTERS.
SO TO YOU ALL THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANKYOU!!!!!!!
THIS IS A TRUE STORY. SOME OF THE DETAILS, WHICH YOU WILL CERTAINLY RECOGNIZE ARE VERY MUCH MY TRUTH. YOU,HOWEVER, MAY FIND IT RATHER UNBELIEVEABLE AND/OR EVEN SCOFF. THIS IS O.K. ALSO, I JUST HOPE THAT IT MIGHT OPEN A HEART OR TWO, MAYBE EVEN A MIND.
I AM A VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON. I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. WHAT I THINK OF AS SPIRITUAL IS JESUS, THE SON OF GOD. I ALSO FEEL VERY CLOSE TO MY MAKER WHEN I AM DIGGING IN THE EARTH OR LISTENING TO THE OCEAN. I THINK THAT WHATEVER YOU THINK OF AS YOUR GOD IS A GOOD THING, WHATEVER IT IS, AS LONG AS IT IS, HONEST, KIND, TREATS OTHERS AS YOU WANT TO BE TREATED AND WORKS HARD. MY DEAR MOM TAUGHT ME THAT IT WAS THE GOLDEN RULE THAT APPLIED, MUCH MORE THAN WHICH CHURCH PEW I SAT IN. FOR MYSELF I TRULY BELIEVE THIS STORY, EACH AND EVERY WORD OF IT. I HOPE THAT YOU WILL GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE TO BELIEVE IT ALSO, IF NOT TO BELIEVE, JUST THINK ABOUT.

THE JOURNEY OF A MILLION MILES BEGINS WITH THE FIRST STEP

I BEGIN THIS JOURNEY TODAY, AND I AM GOING TO REFER TO IT AS THE "BLOGPOT"....

I DEDICATE MY RANTINGS AND THOUGHTS TO MY INSPIRATIONAL HEART OF HEARTS, MR. STEPHEN T., THE ONE WHO ALWAYS BELIEVED IN ME EVEN WHEN NO ONE ELSE DID, AND ALSO TO HIS VERY MAGICAL, MARVELOUS DAUGHTERS WHO SOMEHOW TOUCHED MY SPIRIT AND HAVE INDEED MOVED ME TO ACTION. I THANK THEM ALL.

SO, THIS IS A STORY THAT IS THE TRUTH AS I BEST KNOW IT AND BELIEVE IT TO BE. SOME PEOPLE WILL NOT THINK IT SO, AND I SAY TO THEM O.K.

I PAROLED FROM PRISON IN MAY AND I WAS READY, WILLING AND ABLE TO NOT ONLY CHANGE MY LIFE AND MY THINKING. I WAS GOING TO GO TO WHATEVER LENGTHS IT TOOK TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL. YOU SEE, THIS WAS MY SECOND TRIP TO PRISON, AND WHEN I GOT THOSE HANDCUFFS SLAPPED ONTO MY WRISTS I KNEW, WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING, THAT I HAD HIT MY ABSOLUTE BOTTOM.

I GOT TO COUNTY JAIL, KNOWING THAT BECAUSE OF THE CHOICES I HAD MADE I HAD PRETTY MUCH LOST MY FAMILY, FRIENDS AND ANY ONE WHO HAD ANY FAITH IN ME.