INSIDE AND OUT FREEDOM

AWAKING IN A PRISON CELL, THROUGH MY OWN SELF- CENTERED ACTIONS, VERY POOR CHOICES AND ILLEGAL BEHAVIORS, THE ONE THING I HAD A LOT OF WAS TIME, TIME TO REFLECT, REGRET, AND TRULY QUESTION WHO I WANTED TO BE. THIS WAS MORE TIME THAN I CAN EVEN BEGIN TO EVER MAKE ANY OF YOU UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE IT WAS CONSTANT, EVEN IN MY SLEEP. ONE OF THE VERY FIRST REALIZATIONS I CAME TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT IT WAS A PRISON WITH BARS AND NO WAY OUT, AND YET I HAD BEEN ENTRAPPED IN MY OWN PRISON FOR SO LONG PRIOR TO THE STATE PUTTING ME IN ONE OF THEIR INSTITUTIONS. I KEPT THINKING HOW? HOW DID I GET HERE? OH, I KNEW MY DISRESPECTFUL CHOICES WERE THE DRIVING FORCE, AND I WAS STILL STUMPED. I KNEW I WAS RIGHT WHERE I BELONGED, AND STILL I COULD NOT FIGURE OUT HOW.
I HAD NOT COME FROM POVERTY, OR A BROKEN HOME OR ANY KIND OF ABUSIVE TYPE OF FAMILY CIRCUMSTANCES, IN FACT, QUITE THE OPPOSITE. I HAD AN AMAZING CHILDHOOD AND FAMILY. MY MOTHER WAS A STRONG AND COURAGEOUS WOMAN WHO LED BY WONDERFUL EXAMPLE. MY ANCESTORS WERE STRONG AND SPIRITUAL PEOPLE WHO OVERCAME MANY ODDS, AND WERE, FROM ALL I'VE BEEN TAUGHT, GREAT AND INCREDIBLE PEOPLE. I WAS ALSO BORN INTO A REMARKABLE FAMILY OF 4 OLDER SIBLINGS, WHO ADORED ME AND SPOILED ME A LOT. THEY ALL ARE ALSO UPSTANDING PEOPLE IN THEIR COMMUNITIES, AND LED ME BY WONDERFUL EXAMPLE. SO I AM GOING TO WRITE THIS BLOG TO FREEDOM, WHAT IT MEANS TO ME, AND ALL THE AMAZING PEOPLE WHO HAVE BROUGHT ME TO THIS PLACE IN MY LIFE, OF BEING FREE ON THE INSIDE AS WELL AS OUT OF ANY INSTITUTION. FOR MYSELF, BEING FREE IS HAVING THE COURAGE TO BE HONEST, MOSTLY WITH ONESELF. IT IS HAVING THE FAITH AND THE COURAGE TO ALWAYS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL MY ACTIONS, THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY. IT IS ACCEPTING WHO I AM, LOOKING AT MY CHARACTER DEFECTS AND HONESTLY MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO CHANGE THEM. KNOWING THAT LIFE IS A JOURNEY, A PROCESS, ONE THAT WE LEARN FROM, BY OUR MISTAKES, HOPEFULLY GROW FROM , EVEN IF IT TAKES A TIME OR TWO. I ALSO THINK THAT TRUE FREEDOM COMES FROM KNOWING THAT MY WAY MAY NOT BE YOUR WAY AND THAT IT IS OK. BEING OPEN- MINDED AND WILLING ARE A HUGE PART OF ACCEPTANCE AND IN ORDER FOR ANY ONE TO FORGIVE US WE MUST FORGIVE. TODAY MY GRATITUDE IS SIMPLY FREEDOM, FAMILY, CHOICES, AND LOVING MYSELF ENOUGH TO TELL THIS STORY, SO THAT I CAN HOPEFULLY SHOW SOMEONE ELSE HOW TO HEAL.